While We Wait

Unrighteous Indignation

2012-01-31T20:37:00.000-06:00

It is an awful thing to see oneself reflected in the attitude of the Pharisees (the text says "chief priests and scribes--what I will call Pharisees--forgive my liberty if they are not technically that set of priests with that name). Over the years I have thought more than once that I identified with those men at several levels. In a positive light, they were trying to obey God, they wanted to do everything right, they were striving to follow all of the rules and be accepted by the Lord. Looking at it negatively, they were trying to elevate themselves over others with that perceived righteousness, their very nature and attitude bred pride, and they were sorely lacking in grace and mercy. On my worst days, in my worst self, without Jesus, that is who I am as well.

I was reading in Matthew 21 this morning, about Jesus' entry into Jerusalem right before his crucifixion. He is in the temple healing people--restoring health and wholeness, performing miracle after miracle of physical restoration. Imagine what the healed and their families must have felt: Relief, euphoria, joy, happiness, disbelief. . . Imagine what it might feel like to, for the first time, walk independently (or at all), hear a loved one's voice, see your child's face, be free from pain. Participating in such celebration would be overwhelmingly joyful and happy and good. Unless you were a Pharisee:

And the blind and the lame came to him in the temple, and he healed them. But when the chief priests and the scribes saw the wonderful things that he did, and the children crying out in the temple, “Hosanna to the Son of David!” they were indignant, and they said to him, “Do you hear what these are saying?” And Jesus said to them, “Yes; have you never read, “‘Out of the mouth of infants and nursing babies you have prepared praise’?” (Matthew 21: 14-16)

C'mon. They are in the middle of people being made whole and they are indignant? Why? Probably for a lot of reasons. Maybe they were really upset that the children were calling Jesus the Son of David (the Messiah) when they weren't sure He actually was. However, Jesus was fulfilling signs that the priests should have recognized (Isaiah 35:5-6, Isaiah 42:7). Most of them, I bet, though, were upset for much less noble reasons. Jesus was disturbing the order of the temple. He was daring to put himself forward and mess up the order and flow of temple business. He was stealing their limelight. He wasn't playing by the rules and following the protocol. All they could see was that Jesus was not acting according to their plan. So they reacted with indignation.

I'm not a stranger to indignation, which exhibits itself in this decade as attitude. I get attitude when things are not going according to my plan, not happening in the way I envisioned, or are making me uncomfortable. Would I miss the joy in a room of healing because I was that upset about my plan? I hope not, but I might. In a similar situation, after seeing Jesus eating with tax collectors and sinners, the Pharisees (for sure the REAL Pharisees in this passage) criticize Jesus to His disciples, and Jesus responds by telling them that they need to learn what it means that He desires mercy and not sacrifice (Matthew 9:13).

I need to learn what that means. I do not want to find myself in a room where Jesus is at work and have my prevailing emotion be indignation. I want it to be awe, or joy, or gratitude. Thank God for the gospel's power in my life, which transforms my Pharisee's heart into a merciful and grace-filled one. I just wish it would happen a little bit faster.

The More Things Change. . .

2012-01-28T11:28:00.002-06:00

I just finished reading Genesis and have started Exodus. Earlier in the week I read about Moses seeing the burning bush, and was pondering these verses from Exodus 3 (verses 2-4):

And the angel of the LORD appeared to him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush. He looked, and behold, the bush was burning, yet it was not consumed. And Moses said, “I will turn aside to see this great sight, why the bush is not burned.” When the LORD saw that he turned aside to see, God called to him out of the bush, “Moses, Moses!” And he said, “Here I am."

I was thinking about how I needed to remember to be aware of God working and to be sure to "turn aside" and notice it. There's an idea for a blog post, I thought. But, hey, this seems a little familiar to me. I wouldn't want to post the exact same thing I already posted. So I checked the archives. January of 2011. . . nope. January or 2010. . .yep, sure enough, I posted about that very thought.

Dang! I must be so dense that I just keep having to learn the same thing over and over. At first, this was discouraging to me. But then I realized that, yes, I am that obtuse sometimes, and I became grateful to God for the gift of His Word, and for the discipline to keep reading it. If you haven't figured it out yet, I do a "read through the Bible in a year" plan (there are many you can choose). I am often amazed at what new insight the Lord will show me in a passage I've read since childhood. However, I am now also humbled and thankful that the Lord keeps reminding me of the things that I so easily forget. Jesus compares us to sheep quite often. Sheep are not very smart. Jesus' disciples were not the brightest bunch. I need to hear things over and over until they sink into my brain, and then my heart, and then work themselves out in obedience through my feet (thank you Beth Moore for that analogy).

One of my favorite books is C.S. Lewis' "The Screwtape Letters". On page 119 he discusses how God has given humans both the desire for novelty and the desire for permanence:

[The Lord] has balanced the love of change in them by a love of permanence. He has contrived to gratify both tastes together in the very world He has made, by that union of change and permanence which we call Rhythm. He gives them the seasons, each season different yet every year the same, so that spring is always felt as a novelty yet always as the recurrence of an immemorial theme. He gives them in His Church a spiritual year; they change from a fast to a feast, but it is the same feast as before. (p. 116).

Reading through the Bible over and over fulfills that same desire--the same people, psalms, and promises over and over and over, until the truth finally becomes a part of me, but balanced by new insights and new comvictions in each new year. I am amazed at how He takes care of us!

Trusting the Timing

2012-01-22T18:32:00.000-06:00

When I get to heaven, I am hoping there will be a chance tosee behind the scenes of some of the accounts in the Bible. I have been readingin Genesis, about Joseph, and I really, really wish that I could ask him aboutthose years in prison. We know that he was sent there unjustly, and that"The keeper of the prison paid no attention to anything that was inJoseph's charge, because the LORD was with him. And whatever he did, the LORDmade it succeed." (Genesis 39:23). We know that the cupbearer of the Pharaohwas also imprisoned, that Joseph interpreted his dream, and that Joseph saidthis to the cupbearer: "Only remember me, when it is well with you, andplease do me the kindness to mention me to Pharaoh, and so get me out of thishouse." (Genesis 40:15) We also are privy to the fact that the cupbearerforgot Joseph and didn't remember for two years.

What did Joseph think right after he spoke to the cupbearer? If he were like me (which he probably wasn't, since he had much more faith than I do, but surely he had his weak moments?), he would have been thinking, "Wow, God, so cool that you sent this cupbearer here, and that I could help him, and that he's going to tell Pharaoh about me, and I'm going to get out of here soon. Yep, any day now, I'll be free." And then he waits for two more years.

What's difficult about circumstances like that, at least for me, is to not just rely on the hopeful part of the situation: "Look at this circumstance. Surely God heard me and will answer me soon.", but to rely on God's grace for the unspoken (and unthinkable) part: "Okay, Lord, I think this looks good, but I am going to trust that IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT WHEN OR HOW I THINK, then that is also the answer from you and it is the better choice." It's the choice we have after the sixteenth job interview: "I trust you that if this is your plan, I'll get the job, but if it's NOT, then that is your good work in my life as well." It's the attitude we choose after another month goes by with no pregnancy, or another date ends with no relationship, or another year passes of estrangement from a loved one.

If I were Joseph, I would think that of course the Lord wants me out of here now. However, the timing wasn't right yet. Pharaoh had no need of him. The circumstances had not yet fallen into place to bring Joseph to a place of leadership so that he could save many lives: "And God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors." (Genesis 45:7)

It can be so hard to trust in God's timing, because when we are in the middle of the story, it can feel lonely and sad and pointless. I so want to know how Joseph handled the two years of waiting in prison. How long did it take him to rest in God's goodness and trust Him that He would work all circumstances together for good? How was he able to choose a peaceful and calm attitude, walking in the truth that God was at work even if He was silent? The irony is that Joseph knew far less of God than I do, and yet came through his circumstances knowing that God had purposefully orchestrated his life. May I learn to trust as well in the God that I KNOW is at work on my behalf:

"The Lord will accomplish what concerns me. The Lord's lovingkindness is everlasting. Do not forsake the works of your hands." (Psalm 138:8, NAS)

God's Got It

2012-01-07T16:49:00.000-06:00

Happy first week of 2012! Once again, I am unduly excited to be finished with the minor prophets and Revelation and back reading in Genesis and the gospels. I wonder if I will be 90 years old and still saying, "I can't believe how God can show me something new in a verse I have read a million times!"? Last year I participated in a memory verse activity through Beth Moore's blog community (Living Proof Ministries Blog). One of the verses I chose to memorize was Proverbs 28:13: "Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy."

Probably I am the only person who has ever done this, but when I picked that verse, I had a specific situation in mind. I hoped that by sharing this verse in "public" as it were, maybe someone would be convicted (by my holy promptings) to do what I thought they should do. Yeah, that didn't work. As I re-visit this verse, I notice something new. My focus had been on how this person should confess so that they can obtain mercy (and do the right thing). I missed the beginning, which was that if they didn't, they wouldn't prosper. God has given us built-in consequences. None of us can conceal sin indefinitely, and, even if we appear to be successfully deceiving people, we will not prosper. There will be some area of lack, some deficiency as a result of deception.

I was encouraged to see this not because I want someone else to suffer consequences, but because it reminds me that God has it under control. He knows what His children are doing. He sees when we are hurt by someone's sin, and He sees when my sin hurts someone else. He is not oblivious to how we are living, and, like I remind my students when they tattle by asking them if they are "the cop of sitting on the carpet" or "person in charge of being quiet", I am not the "Police Officer of the Universe." Thank God for that.

Vacuum Visions

2011-12-17T19:35:00.001-06:00

One thing I find interesting about Jesus is that He used pictures and examples of everyday things to reveal deeper truths. To the farmers and fishermen that followed Him, He talked of seeds and wheat and nets and waves. I was reminded recently of an everyday item that the Lord used to teach me something. Nothing so romantic or even natural as waves or seeds, but rather a typical household appliance: A vacuum cleaner. The Lord has actually used this humble tool not once, but twice to help me see how His Holy Spirit works, and this is the tale of the second lesson.

I am on the cleaning team at my church, which, unsurprisingly, involves vacuuming. We have a nice, self-propelled vacuum which usually works easily and effectively. You turn it on, push it around, and it picks up dirt and debris from the carpet. A few weeks ago I was vacuuming and noticing that it didn't seem to be working all that well. I checked the bag; fine. Over the years of being on the cleaning team, I have learned that vacuums get clogged (the first Holy Spirit lesson, for another day), and unclogging them involves nasty dirt and hair and mess. I'm not fond of nasty dirt, hair, or mess. So, I just kept vacuuming, persuading myself that it was just me and the vacuum was fine.

I vacuumed my area, and then I was ready to move on to mopping. My cleaning partner took the vacuum to finish another area. She remarked that it wasn't working very well. I said, "Yeah, you're right, I think maybe it's clogged. We should probably take it outside and look at it. I do know how to unhook things so we can check." So, we did, it was, and after I pulled the nasty dirt, hair, and mess out of the hose, viola, vacuum cleaner worked as intended. It took all of five minutes to accomplish the change.

Sometimes my life is like a clogged vacuum cleaner. I notice that I'm not doing very well at staying peaceful, or having faith, or serving cheerfully. "Hmm," I think, "maybe there is something in between God and me." And there probably is. But taking time to sit down with the Lord and pray it through and figure it out and allow the Holy Spirit to clean out the nasty hurt, unforgiveness, or other mess is not something I enjoy. At all. So I just reason to myself that it's nothing and I'm really fine. Until finally one of my partners in the Christian life or the Lord Himself clearly points out that my current approach isn't working.

So, I overcome my dread and sit myself down on the couch to open up my heart to God to unclog whatever junk has come between us. It's not always a five minute fix, but it is never as horrible as I have imagined before I get started, and I'm always glad that I did it. Every single time I tell myself that I should let God deal with me before it gets to that point, and yet. . . I still avoid it. Hopefully this recent reminder will spur me on to be more timely in allowing the Lord to clean out my clogs.

Whispers

2011-11-30T19:33:00.001-06:00

Oops. Once again a long blog silence. Sorry! It's been that kind of. . . couple of months? Christianity, or at least my journey of knowing Christ, seems to be kind of like that: Periods of closeness to the Lord mixed in with seasons of feeling far away and wondering when I will hear His voice clearly again. I'm thankful at least to recognize this so that I'm no longer panicked when it happens, though it can be discouraging.

I heard a whisper this week. I'm reading Daniel (right in the middle of the end-of-the-year slog through the prophets) and was struck by how far I need to come to approach his level of righteousness. Daniel is in Babylon, and Darius is now king. He likes Daniel a lot and puts him in charge of significant things. The other leaders don't much care for this, so they try to find fault with Daniel. Chapter six (verses four and five) states that:

Then the presidents and the satraps sought to find a ground for complaint against Daniel with regard to the kingdom, but they could find no ground for complaint or any fault, because he was faithful, and no error or fault was found in him. Then these men said, "We shall not find any ground for complaint against this Daniel unless we find it in connection with the law of his God."

Ouch. Why? Because I instantly compare myself and my life to Daniel and know (not just wonder) that those words could not be said of me. Just today I was insensitive and somewhat rude to a co-worker. Many times a day I'm not as patient or kind to my students as I should be. If someone wanted to come and "find a complaint" against me, they would have ample examples.

Two opposite convictions come from these verses: First, I am reprimanded that I need to be conscious always of my speech and actions and not settle for letting my irritation and emotion rule my words and choices. Secondly, I am reminded, again, of my need for Jesus to save me from my sin. None of us, no matter the good deeds we have done, can ever save ourselves and make ourselves holy. Only Jesus' sacrifice on the cross and my reliance on it achieves that goal. I need to remember that I need the Gospel everyday, and I need to thank God for His grace in providing a way for me to know Him. Apparently the "whisper" was a little louder than I thought.

All I Need is a Miracle

2011-10-15T16:40:00.000-05:00

Yikes! Over a month since my last post! Thankfully not an indication of whether God is at work in my life. . . Just an indication of school being in full swing and life getting a little bit crazy.

I've been thinking a little bit about miracles lately. I was talking to a friend about how I would, just once, like to see a "real" miracle. "Real" being defined as: earth-shattering, mind-boggling, Red Sea-parting, Lazarus rising-from-the-dead OFFICIAL miracle. Because. . . wouldn't that grow my faith? Wouldn't that inspire my passion? Wouldn't that increase my belief? Wouldn't it??

Since the Lord often delights in creating relationships between people who approach ideas from opposite sides of the fence, my friend was not buying into my premise. "I don't think you're thinking this through (knowing me, probably not)," he said. "Oh, don't THINK so hard, just imagine how cool it would be to see a REAL miracle. The Israelites got to see LOTS of miracles (not that it helped their faith all that much). I just want to see one," I said. "Do you really want to be in the position of the Israelites? They weren't out for a walk. The Egyptian soldiers were going to kill them if they didn't cross the Red Sea. The other side was just desert." Oh. Yeah. True enough. And that manna that fell from heaven. . . they had nothing else to eat. The alternative was starvation. And the day the sun stopped, well, slaughter was the other choice. Hmm.

Drat. Why is there always someone wise to make me think? Most of the miracles that leap to my mind from the Bible are a result of God acting when there was no alternative. All avenues and choices were exhausted. Then and only then God moved.

DO I really want to be in that place? The place in the battle of lacking any victory except for the Lord working? The spot at the feet of the crowd reaching for the hem of Jesus' garment to be healed? The seat outside the tomb when someone I love is dead? No doubt I will be brought to those places one way or another sooner than I wish, and I will see the Lord work, either in outward miracle or inward growth and acceptance, but maybe I shouldn't be so eager to "see a miracle" just because I think it would be cool.

In that crazy way the Lord has of bringing things up all at once, the chapter that I just read in "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan also mentions miracles--how God does them to make Himself and His glory know, and how we don't recognize the ones that are all around us.

At the end of the conversation with my friend, the Holy Spirit convicted me (what I like to refer to as a "kick in the behind") that I HAVE seen miracles. I have seen the Lord take my heart, which was hard, hard, HARD, and soften it with His love and grace. When I first began this walk of faith, I was frantic to have a real relationship with Jesus. I despaired of ever reaching that place. Yet, here I am. Not a wow-everyone-look-at-that parting of the waters, but a genuine work of God nonetheless. Those miracles I do want to recognize whenever I see them.

He Can if He Wants To

2011-09-11T21:07:00.001-05:00

Wow, this is my 100th blog post! Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read it!

I recently finished reading the book of Job. I have read it several times, and even went through Chuck Swindoll's Bible study several years ago with a group of women. The whole story of Job is disturbing. A righteous man (God said so) and God gives Satan permission to take away everything but his life. Children dead, animals dead, boils all over his body, bad friends with bad advice, and, worst of all, silence from the Lord.

Chapter 38, when God answers Job out of the whirlwind, is where it came together a little bit for me this time around. All through the tremendous trials, Job has been talking to God. He has complained with brutal honesty (Job 10:1-2):
I loathe my life;I will give free utterance to my complaint;
I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.
I will say to God, Do not condemn me;
let me know why you contend against me.
However, he never stops taking his pain and anger and hurt to God. Finally, the Lord replies to him through chapters 38-40. Rather than the apology or explanation that I kind of want to hear from God, He simply tells Job that He, the Lord, Yahweh, Creator of Heaven and Earth, is in charge and can do what He wants. I sometimes think that, if I were Job, I would STILL be upset with the Lord and still want Him to answer my questions--why did you do this to me? How is this fair? But that's not what Job does. Job's response is recorded in Job 40:3-5:
Then Job answered the LORD and said:
"Behold, I am of small account; what shall I answer you?
I lay my hand on my mouth.
I have spoken once, and I will not answer;
twice, but I will proceed no further."
Job backs down. He stops questioning. He accepts what the Lord has done without any more arguing. Hmm. Why? I think it's because Job has heard the voice of God. Directly heard the Lord speak--not through scripture, not through a pastor, not even through the whispers of the Holy Spirit, but has HEARD THE VOICE OF GOD. And that is enough.

Though I try and try to enlarge my picture of God, I still see Him too small. He made it all. Everything. As he said to Job (Job 38:4-7):
Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell me, if you have understanding.
Who determined its measurements—surely you know!
Or who stretched the line upon it?
On what were its bases sunk,
or who laid its cornerstone,
when the morning stars sang together
and all the sons of God shouted for joy?
Sometimes (and please step away before the lightening strikes), I dare to think that God owes me an explanation for the hard and seemingly unfair things in my life: No marriage. No children. Bottom line: The Lord can do what He wants because He is the Creator of everything. I'm only alive because of His breath in me. I am only saved because of His tremendous grace given through Jesus. He doesn't have to explain Himself to me ever. That sounds harsh, I know. Yet Job, who suffered unfathomable grief even though righteous, became silent when confronted with the majesty and power of the Lord. How can I do less?

P.S. Even after the complaining and honestly, this is what the Lord said of Job (Job 42:7):
After the LORD had spoken these words to Job, the LORD said to Eliphaz the Temanite: "My anger burns against you and against your two friends, for you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.
It's a topic for another post, but God wants us to come to Him with even the worst of our feelings.

Safe

2011-08-21T19:01:00.000-05:00

Yikes! It's been a little while since I posted--can you tell school just started last week? Reading in Psalm 37, these verses popped out at me: The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the LORD upholds his hand. (Psalm 37: 23-24) The word that I noticed was "headlong". All of my life I have been pretty clumsy. I have cast myself (flung might be a better word)headlong (down stairs, over curbs, into car doors)more times than I care to remember, usually in front of a crowd of people. I am quite familiar with the feeling of suddenly losing my balance and landing ungracefully on the ground.

I am comforted to know that the Lord will not allow me, in the spiritual sense, to be cast headlong--to fall suddenly and violently beyond the remedy of grace and forgiveness. God has me by the hand. I'm going to stumble, whether by my own clumsiness and sin or by someone else's, but I will never be alone, on my face, sprawled out on the ground and expected to get up without help.

Grace Like Rain

2011-07-30T11:52:00.000-05:00

Over and over in the Bible, God uses images from the world around us. However, many of these nature, farming, and pottery images can be hard to relate to for those of us living in suburbia. Today,on my mundane trip home from cleaning the church, God used the St. Louis weather to remind me of His work in my life.

One of my favorite songs is ‪Grace Like Rain‬‏ - YouTube (well, just "Grace Like Rain" without the You Tube, but, hey, I wanted you to hear it if you didn't know it, even though I couldn't find the version I wanted). We sing this song at church, and it always encourages me. So, when I was driving home in a rainstorm this morning, I thought of this song, trying to think about what it really means.

The St. Louis area has not been as dry as many, many areas of the nation, but we have had no rain for several weeks, and blisteringly hot temperatures. When I saw the rain clouds, I was excited. When I heard the first raindrops, I was happy because we so need the water. Soon, however, I noticed that the rain was just running off the streets and not really sinking in because the ground was so dry and the rain was coming down so hard. All this water, but the ground was unable to soak it up at first because it was so hard.

Lightbulb moment! God's grace is like rain. Ephesians 1:7-8a says this:

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us. . .

Like the rain that falls from the sky, God's grace has been lavished upon us. However, there are times when my heart has been like the dry, hard ground. All I have wanted is to experience God's grace, but yet when it is poured out again and again on me, my heart has been too closed to receive it, at least at first. Eventually the water soaks in to bring life to the plants and trees. Eventually God's grace penetrates the dryness of my heart.

Sometimes I just have to wait patiently for the Lord's love and grace to soften my heart. Sometimes I have to pray and go to God's Word and obey what it says to keep my heart soft and ready for the rain of His grace.

I'm thankful to the Lord for reminding me that He still speaks through nature and everyday experiences like rain showers.

Foundations

2011-07-19T16:44:00.001-05:00

I have been mulling over this idea for about two weeks and just now made myself sit down to blog (why be hasty?). I was priveleged to sit in on one session of Beth Moore's revised "Breaking Free" study at The Urban Refuge two Sundays ago while in Minneapolis visiting friends. Two of the Bible verses that she shared really made me think. They were from Judges 6, which begins the story of Gideon. The Midianites are oppressing Israel, and the Lord has called Gideon to defend his people. Gideon receives this call while hiding in a winepress beating out wheat. Gideon's family were Baal worshipers. After Gideon receives his call and accepts it (well, sort of), the Lord gives Gideon these instructions (Judges 6:25-26): That night the LORD said to him, "Take your father’s bull, and the second bull seven years old, and pull down the altar of Baal that your father has, and cut down the Asherah that is beside it and build an altar to the LORD your God on the top of the stronghold here, with stones laid in due order..."

The word that sparked my wonderings was the word "stronghold". The word simply means a refuge or a place of security and survival. The Lord often describes Himself as our stronghold (Psalm 9:9, Psalm 18:2, and Psalm 27:1). However, the word can also be used negatively to refer to something that we use as a refuge instead of God--drugs, alcohol, TV, friends, anything. In the context of the "Breaking Free" study, strongholds are usually a bad thing.

One attribute of God that I love and am grateful for is how He can redeem our sin. He directs Gideon to tear down the stronghold of idol worship in his family and then commands him to build an altar to the Lord on top of the very place where such grievous sin occurred. Possibly Gideon used the very wood of the Asherah pole to burn the sacrifice. Similarly, in Beth Moore's life, the stronghold of abuse/sin that was so harmful to her is now the very same platform from which she shares the amazing work of God in her life. On top of idolatry, God built an altar for His glory.

I think the Lord wants to do the same thing in my life and in the lives of all believers. Where we have built altars to self or pride or money or fear or ___________, He wants to demolish the sin and right on top of that shame and ugliness, display His beauty. Wow.

The Flip Side

2011-07-03T08:03:00.000-05:00

Today my morning was marked by a painful revelation. I've been using the Sarah Young's "Jesus Calling" devotional as part of my time with the Lord. This morning she was talking about how it's the Holy Spirit's job to convict and reveal sin, not ours. A verse she used in support of this was Romans 8:1: There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

I have stood on that verse many times when I have felt condemned--after I have sinned, after I have said something stupid, after I have messed up AGAIN. Never have I applied it to my attitude toward someone else. Yes, there is no condemnation for me, but there is also no condemnation for any other believer. Sometimes I want to condemn the action of another Christian, especially if I disagree with it, or, more honestly, especially if it hurt me. Romans 8:1 does not give me that option. My brothers and sisters in Christ, just as I am, are free and clear from ALL condemnation.

Look Up

2011-06-21T13:58:00.002-05:00

Once again, a concept that I have heard roughly four gazillion times in my Christian walk suddenly becomes clear. This summer I'm doing Beth Moore's "Steppin' Up" study. On week two, day two (and don't panic if you're in the same study--I'm working ahead because I have vacation coming soon), we are looking at Psalm 123: To you I lift up my eyes,
O you who are enthroned in the heavens!
Behold, as the eyes of servants
look to the hand of their master,
as the eyes of a maidservant
to the hand of her mistress,
so our eyes look to the LORD our God,
till he has mercy upon us.

Have mercy upon us, O LORD, have mercy upon us,
for we have had more than enough of contempt.
Our soul has had more than enough
of the scorn of those who are at ease,
of the contempt of the proud.

The very first verse of the psalm talks about lifting our eyes to the Lord. I've heard that so many times: "Keep your eyes on Jesus." "Look at God, not your circumstances." "Where is your focus?" Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I got it. Apparently I didn't.

Beth takes us to Acts 3, the account about the lame beggar (who was healed) that I blogged about a few weeks ago (gotta love God's continuity). The beggar is just hanging out at the gate when Peter and John show up. Acts 3:3 finds Peter telling the beggar to "Look at us", and then in verse five it says that the man "fixed his attention on them. . . ". Here is how Beth described what happened (p. 43 of the "Steppin' Up" study):

"Therefore, he looked, which caused him to more effectively listen, which in turn altered his feelings, manifesting in a change in his expectation. Needless to say, the beggar got far more than he expected, but until he 'Gave them his attention' he had no real expectation of anything out of the ordinary."

She also puts in a little diagram that looks (somewhat) like this:

Where I look----> What I hear ----> What I feel ----> What I expect

Using the diagram sparked my "aha" moment. I put in a circumstance from my own life, online dating (yes, the idea makes me want to run screaming most days, too. Trust me, the reality is sometimes even worse than you imagine.). The gist of the diagram: If I focus on online dating, what I hear is "This isn't working. No one is interested. You're too. . . (old, short, whatever)." What I feel is frustrated, rejected, and discouraged; and what I expect is nothing. However, if I go back and put the Lord in the first slot, well, it all looks SO much better: If I look to God, then what I hear is "I'm here, I'm in control, you belong to me, and I will take care of you." What I feel is secure, safe, and encouraged; and what I expect is that God will do the very best thing for me.

Once again, "Duh!!!!!"

As I was thinking about this further, I tried thinking through other circumstances. No matter what it was, if I take the problem/worry/concern out from in front of my eyes and put the Lord there instead, it helps me to stand in truth, to feel encouraged and hopeful, and to believe that the Lord will work it all for His good. Glad to know that, on the four gazillion and first hearing, I finally get it.

Following Orders

2011-06-14T08:14:00.001-05:00

Two posts in two days! The wonder of summer break. . .

Still reading in 1 Kings. Today was the account of a prophet of the Lord coming to warn Jeroboam of the destruction of the altar at Bethel, thus voicing His disapproval of Jeroboam's new alternative worship system that was not ordained by the Lord. Jeroboam isn't too happy about this, and invites the prophet to come home with him to try and sway his opinion/prophecy. At this juncture the prophet stays true to what the Lord told him (1 Kings 13:8-10) And the man of God said to the king, "If you give me half your house, I will not go in with you. And I will not eat bread or drink water in this place, for so was it commanded me by the word of the LORD, saying, 'You shall neither eat bread nor drink water nor return by the way that you came.'" So he went another way and did not return by the way that he came to Bethel.

A little later, though, the prophet lets down his guard. Another, older, prophet hears of this younger prophet and invites him into his home. At first the young prophet declines, repeating what the Lord had told him. The older prophet lies to the younger one (verse 18):
And he said to him, "I also am a prophet as you are, and an angel spoke to me by the word of the LORD, saying, 'Bring him back with you into your house that he may eat bread and drink water.'" But he lied to him.
I'm not sure what the younger prophet thought at this point. That this older (and therefore wiser?) man also heard from God, so he'd defer to him? That maybe the Lord was changing the rules but didn't tell him? That he could believe the other guy just because he invoked the Lord's name?

It was a reminder to me that we always, always, always need to stand on the Lord's promises and words to us (as long as they are in line with scripture) and not be swayed by what someone else says the Lord is telling us to do. Of course, we need to listen to counsel from others, and be teachable that God may indeed speak to us through them. There are times, however, when each of us KNOW that God is leading us a certain way, or has impressed upon our hearts what we are to do in a given situation. When we know what God has said (this prophet knew exactly what his directions were), we need to obey it no matter what other people tell us. The price for the young prophet's disobedience was severe: Death. Thankfully, because of Jesus, there is forgiveness and grace for our disobedience--though we may still pay a steep price.

Just a sobering reminder to take God's words seriously.

On my list of "Questions to ask God when I'm Dead", though, is why the old prophet, who lied, doesn't have any consequence that we see. These are the things that I wonder about. . .

Head vs. Heart

2011-06-13T21:04:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I get tangled up considering the differences between our soul and spirit, will and desire, heart and head. I'm reading the account of Solomon right now. Solomon was the wisest man ever--he asked for wisdom from the Lord and it was granted to him. Royalty came for miles to inquire of him and listen to his wisdom. Much of the book of Proverbs was probably written by Solomon. Israel under his kingship was prosperous and at peace. However, Solomon's heart was seemingly divorced from Solomon's head. In 1 Kings 11: 1-3, we read about what Solomon was doing with his heart:

Now King Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, from the nations concerning which the LORD had said to the people of Israel, "You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods." Solomon clung to these in love. He had 700 wives, princesses, and 300 concubines. And his wives turned away his heart.

The verse I have been thinking about is where it says that Solomon "clung to [his women] in love" and that they "turned away his heart".

Wisdom is good. We are told to seek wisdom, to ask for it, to esteem it. Yet when I look at the people in the Bible, I see over and over again that their heart-choices were much more important than their wisdom or knowledge. Solomon's father, David, made many unwise choices--the biggest of which led to the birth of Solomon. David committed adultery and murder, and made a wreck of his family life. Yet David is called a "man after God's own heart" (Acts 13:22). Time and time again the Israelites are punished not for stupidity or foolishness, but for idolatry and lack of whole-hearted devotion to the Lord.

The passage in 1 Kings goes on (verses 4-6):

For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. So Solomon did what was evil in the sight of the LORD and did not wholly follow the LORD, as David his father had done.

Dare I say that wisdom and knowledge are easier for most of us--well, I WILL say that it's easier for me--than whole-hearted devotion to the Lord? I could recite many, many facts and verses from the Bible before I had committed my heart to believe. Knowledge is easier than wisdom, but wisdom is easier than love. It's simpler to apply Biblical principles to our life than to share our heart with God and whole-heartedly surrender our lives to Him. No matter how wise we are, the true test is what we cling to with our hearts. I do want to be a wise woman who knows the Bible and can apply it. I don't want to be deceived that wisdom is the goal. I want it to be said that I clung to and loved Jesus, and that I whole-heartedly followed the Lord.

The Rest of the Story

2011-06-06T07:06:00.000-05:00

Had I but continued reading in Acts 4 yesterday, I would have seen that God used the healed man for even more than the salvation of five thousand people. After Peter shares, he and John are arrested by the Sadducees and and brought before the priests. Peter then testifies of Jesus' power to the rulers of the people. The council was astonished by the eloquence of the uneducated fishermen, and, because of the circumstances of the healing of a man lame since birth, cannot deny that a miracle has happened (Acts 4:13-14):

Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus. But seeing the man who was healed standing beside them, they had nothing to say in opposition.

Because of the rock-solid proof of miraculous healing, Peter and John are let go. People in the city are praising God, and when the apostles return to the other believers, they also are strengthened in their faith. We also find out that the man at the gate was over forty years old (Acts 4:22). Forty years of being lame changed in an instant. Forty years of suffering turned into the glory of over five thousand people rescued from hell, Peter and John spared jail, and an entire community of believers emboldened. I want the faith to believe that God is even now orchestrating my life to give Him glory, just as he was this lame beggar's.

At Just the Right Time

2011-06-05T19:07:00.000-05:00

There are moments that I rue the inspiration which named this blog (what WAS I thinking?). It seems that the current theme of my life is waiting. This morning I read the following passage from Acts 3 (verses 1-12):

Now Peter and John were going up to the temple at the hour of prayer, the ninth hour. And a man lame from birth was being carried, whom they laid daily at the gate of the temple that is called the Beautiful Gate to ask alms of those entering the temple. Seeing Peter and John about to go into the temple, he asked to receive alms. And Peter directed his gaze at him, as did John, and said, "Look at us." And he fixed his attention on them, expecting to receive something from them. But Peter said, "I have no silver and gold, but what I do have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!" And he took him by the right hand and raised him up, and immediately his feet and ankles were made strong. And leaping up he stood and began to walk, and entered the temple with them, walking and leaping and praising God. And all the people saw him walking and praising God, and recognized him as the one who sat at the Beautiful Gate of the temple, asking for alms. And they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.
While he clung to Peter and John, all the people, utterly astounded, ran together to them in the portico called Solomon’s. And when Peter saw it he addressed the people: "Men of Israel, why do you wonder at this, or why do you stare at us, as though by our own power or piety we have made him walk?

This beggar had been lame since birth, and in an instant (when all he was expecting was alms) was healed. How many years had the man been lame? From the time he was born until he was a man, so at least probably 16, 17 years. Years of sitting by the gate, begging. I wonder how many times he had asked God to heal him. Did he still have hope? Or had he given up and accepted his lot in life?

One of the hard things about waiting, which I come back to again and again, is contained within the uncertainty of it. If we know the length of the wait, we can hold on. Or, as with a woman in labor, if we know the happiness that comes at the end of the wait (and that it for sure will end), we can endure not knowing exactly how long it will take. When we are waiting for something that is not guaranteed (a new job, a mate, a pregnancy, healing) and has no set end, well, that's when we doubt and wonder and want to give up. We lose faith that God is paying attention, that He sees us, that He is, indeed, working it all for good.

The man is just laying at the gate. His friends and the whole neighborhood have seen him there for years. They know him. They know that he was born lame and that he can't walk. So when Peter and John, through the power of the Holy Spirit, heal him, there is no doubt. Unlike when we watch some TV show with people throwing away crutches or leaping from wheelchairs and cynically wonder if they were planted in the audience, this Jewish audience had no doubt. They had seen a miracle. The Lord was at work. The people are hanging on the words of Peter. Later, in Acts 4:4, we read:

But many of those who had heard the word believed, and the number of the men came to about five thousand.

FIVE THOUSAND people believed in Jesus after seeing this man healed and hearing the words of Peter. Five thousand. The man had to wait for years and years for healing so that the miracle could happen at just the right moment in time and would lead to an overwhelming number of people coming to know Jesus. If I believed that my waiting had a purpose, maybe a much bigger purpose than I can imagine, would I wait more patiently? More graciously? More easily? Once again, it all comes down to faith to believe God's promises to me, and to being brave enough to hope in His goodness. As I type this, I'm reminded of a song by Addison Road (one of my new favorites): YouTube - Addison road - Hope Now (w/ lyrics)

It always DOES come down to faith, and hope in the character and goodness of God.

Detours

2011-05-21T10:54:00.001-05:00

Finished The Land Between, by Jeff Manion today. I recommend it highly. I got the book for Christmas but just "happened" to get it out a few weeks ago and finally start reading it. God's timing is perfect (which is another fact more easily seen in hindsight). The author was talking about detours in our lives, when the road that we thought we were going to follow or the road that we thought we were on suddenly changes. His example is my good buddy Joseph. Over and over in Joseph's experience in Egypt (including while he was in prison), the Bible states that God was with Joseph (Genesis 39:2), and that Joseph prospered. Here are some of Jeff Manion's thoughts (p. 182):

"The reality here can be unsettling. Often God chooses to meet us with his blessing in a place we do not choose to be. He will bless us on the detour. He will bless us in the Land Between. Often the place of blessing is not our place of preference."

I'm single. I've always been single. I never wanted to be single. My vision of my life when I was younger was probably a lot like most people's: Finish college, get married, have children. I remember walking through my college town and seeing the families in their houses and thinking "Someday that will be me." Someday still isn't here. Singleness has been an unplanned and very long detour. Yet, reflecting today, I have been blessed in so many ways: Opportunity, travel, some of the world's best friends. The blessings are deeper than that, however. On page 185, Manion writes:

"What if God desires to be present and faithful on your detour? What if he chooses to make his presence powerfully available when you are in the space you least desire to be--the Land Between?. . .Our longing [to prosper in the place of OUR choosing], however deep, may not change the reality. Sometimes we don't get to choose. But will we open our hearts to God? Will we open our lives to his work and his blessing while we are not where we want to be?"

Joseph never got to go home. God was with him, he prospered, and his family eventually was returned to him, but he never got to return to Canaan. The Israelites took his bones there, but that's the closest he came. I don't control very much of my life at all. I cannot conjure a husband and children out of the dust (I have tried. Doesn't work). It is a painful thing to know that some detours may be permanent. Yet, even with that pain, I can see that the Lord has used this season of singleness to deepen His relationship with me and to grow (slowly) my faith and trust in Him. The biggest blessing that I have in my life is my relationship with Jesus, and much of that was born from the seeking, crying, and wrestling which came about because of the trial of singleness. There are days when my flesh isn't sure that the trade off is worth it. I STILL don't want to be here. However, my choice remains: Will I work with God? Will I open my heart to receive blessings in a place that I never wanted to be? Will I relinquish my dreams and accept the ones the Lord has for me? Some days I choose the right choice, and others I don't. I am thankful that the Lord is patient with me, and that His will is perfect, even when I see it as a detour.

Walking in Confidence or Complaint?

2011-05-14T12:49:00.001-05:00

Last summer I got to sit in on the second day of the Willowcreek Leadership Summit, and one of the speakers was Jeff Manion, pastor of Ada Bible Church, who spoke on "The Land Between." The "land between" refers to the time the Israelites spent in the desert before they entered the Promised Land. As a result of hearing Manion's message, I am now reading his book titled The Land Between. The subject of the book addresses why God allows the transitional in-between times in our lives and about how we should handle these times.

When Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt, God purposefully did not lead them home a direct way (Exodus 13:17-18):

When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near. For God said, "Lest the people change their minds when they see war and return to Egypt." But God led the people around by the way of the wilderness toward the Red Sea.

I have had my own times of wilderness and of traveling the land between. Some journeys seem to take so much longer than I ever thought they would. I wonder a lot why God allows some trials to last for years.

One of Manion's premises in his book is that God was trying to teach the Israelites to trust Him. They needed water, He gave it to them. They needed food, He gave it to them. However, the people didn't learn to trust. Every new need was met not by asking the Lord to provide, but by complaints which assumed that the Lord was not going to meet their needs. There is a quote on p. 141 that I have been thinking about this morning: "Hardship intended to build trust results instead in contemptuous complaint."

Part of hardships, big or small, is to show me that God's love and provision can be trusted, and to beckon me to go to the Lord and ask for what I need. Like the Israelites, I often complain first, assuming that God will not help me. Sometimes I don't trust the Lord to meet the need, and sometimes I cravenly reject the provision the Lord gives, wanting something else instead, like the Israelites who grew sick of manna and asked for quail (which they received, and along with it a plague that killed many of them). When I react in such a way, I am rejecting the Lord--I am saying that my way is better, and that He is not enough.

The idea of trusting God in hardships sounds so holy, yet works itself out with much blood, sweat, and tears. I have to trust God when someone I love dies after I have begged and begged for healing? I have to go to God believing in His goodness when, yet again, the answer is "No."? I have to believe there is a purpose to the pain when my brothers and sisters in Christ sin and hurt me and I don't even know why? I think the Lord wants us to come to Him and cry out with our honest feelings. Moses did, Elijah did, Jesus did. He wants to give us what we need. My choice is believing that what God gives IS what I need, even when my heart disagrees, and believing that a trusting and loving relationship with Him is worth more than whatever good thing I want.

You Can't Go Over It. . .

2011-05-08T18:13:00.000-05:00

A story/song/chant that I used to do with my first grade students was "Going on a Bear Hunt". The premise is that you are looking for a bear, but you keep coming to obstacles. The recurring chant is: "Can't go over it. Can't go under it. Can't go around it. I guess I'll go through it."

Today in church, the speaker was talking about Joseph's life. When Joseph was a boy of seventeen, he had some dreams (Genesis 37:5-11): Now Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers they hated him even more. He said to them, "Hear this dream that I have dreamed: Behold, we were binding sheaves in the field, and behold, my sheaf arose and stood upright. And behold, your sheaves gathered around it and bowed down to my sheaf." His brothers said to him, "Are you indeed to reign over us? Or are you indeed to rule over us?" So they hated him even more for his dreams and for his words.

Then he dreamed another dream and told it to his brothers and said, "Behold, I have dreamed another dream. Behold, the sun, the moon, and eleven stars were bowing down to me." But when he told it to his father and to his brothers, his father rebuked him and said to him, "What is this dream that you have dreamed? Shall I and your mother and your brothers indeed come to bow ourselves to the ground before you?" And his brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the saying in mind.

Long story short, Joseph's brothers sell him into slavery, Joseph ends up in Egypt, serving an important Egyptian official, Potiphar. Unfortunately, Potiphar's wife had set her sights upon Joseph as her conquest, but Joseph was too honorable. She accuses Joseph of rape and he ends up in prison for about two years. Finally, Joseph gets out of prison, successfully interprets the Pharoah's dreams (with the Lord's help) and becomes the second-in-command of all of Egypt, helping to save Egypt and Israel from famine.

Today I realized that Joseph started with a dream that was given to him by God. It was a good dream, a true dream, and an honorable dream. His brothers were jealous of the dream. Yet, like in the bear hunt, the only way that Joseph would end up in the position of command, leading as God's instrument of preservation, was to go THROUGH the trial of being sold, imprisoned, and neglected.

I'm beginning to see that there are many times in my life where I may have a good goal in mind, but there is no way to go over it, under it, or around it--I have to go THROUGH it to get there. The "it" that I must endure varies, but there is usually an element of risk, the possibility (or certainty) of hurt, and the frustration of waiting. Though I don't like it, there is a freedom that comes from ceasing to try to go over/under/around and just surrendering to the "through", and moving forward in faith.

Whose Hand?

2011-04-27T19:27:00.000-05:00

Reading now about Gideon. Doubting, fearful Gideon. The Lord tells Gideon that he will deliver Israel from the Midianites, but reduces the force with Gideon from about 22,000 men to 300. The Lord's reason is found in Judges 7:2:

The LORD said to Gideon, "The people with you are too many for me to give the Midianites into their hand, lest Israel boast over me, saying, 'My own hand has saved me.'"

This verse makes me think of times in my life where I was struggling with getting close to the Lord and was turning to everyone and everything to try to fix it, but nothing was working. The sources I was turning to weren't bad, just as Gideon's fighting men weren't bad. Some things I was trying were talking to wiser people, reading books, and listening to worship music. Those are all good tactics. However, as much I was seeking the right formula (note: NOT really seeking the Lord as much as a way to succeed at Christianity), none of those things were the magical answer to my problem.

Eventually (And that is a kind word. It took a very long time. Years' worth of time) I have become close to God. Annoyingly, it's so much easier to see clearly how from this side of the situation. As I reflect upon that frustrating time, when I felt like I was failing, that I wasn't doing this faith walk right, that I was missing something important, I can see that I was the problem. . . The Lord, I think, wanted me to be able to look back on that time and see that the Lord's hand and the Lord's hand alone is what "saved me"--what brought me close to Him and gave me any ability to seek Him, hear Him, or see His work. If I had gotten my answer by following some list of five steps, well, then, I could congratulate myself upon successful completion of a program. I could pat myself on the back for my faithful abilities. . . Instead, I marvel at some of the changes in my heart and know beyond any doubt that the Lord did that mysterious work, and it was NOT by my hand.

Just Follow the Directions

2011-04-25T14:36:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was Easter. You'd think this would be a resurrection post. You would be wrong! Always out of step with the mainstream, I have been thinking about the days in between Good Friday and Easter Morning. In Luke 23, the end of verse 56 tells what the disciples and the women did after the crucifixion:

On the Sabbath they rested according to the commandment.

Luke's account is the only one which directly states this (I looked). It's a little snippet of a verse, but with big implications.

Jesus' followers had just witnessed his agonizing death. Some had run away, some had betrayed him, all had forgotten His warning to them that this very thing would happen. They were probably some combination of dazed, hurt, despairing, numb, angry, frightened, and lost. What should they do? What could they do? What was even going on?

Many of us know those feelings. While I have never had a day as bad as that, I have had days of numbness, despair, sadness, helplessness. I have had days of not knowing what to do, or where to turn, or how to fix anything. My nature is to want to solve my problem--what steps are there to take, what verses are there to memorize, what counsel is there to seek? And there are times when all of those solutions are valid. However, there are also times when we can do nothing.

"On the Sabbath they rested according to the commandment." Good Jews, the disciples and Jesus' other followers had little choice about what to do. The Sabbath was designed for rest. They couldn't go to the tomb and finish preparing the body. They couldn't run around and make a plan. They could only obey the commandment that they knew, to keep the Sabbath.

There are times when I need to just take a breath, stop trying to solve my problems, and obey the commands I am sure of: Love the Lord your God with all your mind and strength and heart. Love your neighbor as yourself. Seek God. Help the poor. Listen for the Lord's voice. That's all. There will be time enough the next day to go to the tomb. Observing the Sabbath forced Jesus' followers to wait (yes, the dreaded "w" word) until the next day to make a battle plan, to enact a strategy, to pick up the pieces. The Lord was using that day to complete His awesome work of resurrection and salvation. Once the women were released to the tomb on Easter morning, God's glory was ready to be revealed. Everything had changed!

God uses those days in between crucifixion (of desires, of hopes, of dreams) and resurrection to ready us to see His glory and resurrection power. We need only walk in faith and follow the Lord's commands.

Halfway isn't Good Enough

2011-04-18T20:36:00.000-05:00

I'm reading Joshua in the Old Testament right now, and it's chronicling the conquest of the land of Canaan. The Lord had previously commanded the Israelites regarding the promised land (Deuteronomy 20:16-18):

But in the cities of these peoples that the LORD your God is giving you for an inheritance, you shall save alive nothing that breathes, but you shall devote them to complete destruction, the Hittites and the Amorites, the Canaanites and the Perizzites, the Hivites and the Jebusites, as the LORD your God has commanded, that they may not teach you to do according to all their abominable practices that they have done for their gods, and so you sin against the LORD your God.

The Lord clearly told the people that they were to drive out and destroy all of the people in the Promised Land.

However, we read in Joshua 17: 12-13:

Yet the people of Manasseh could not take possession of those cities, but the Canaanites persisted in dwelling in that land. Now when the people of Israel grew strong, they put the Canaanites to forced labor, but did not utterly drive them out.

Oops. I think the Israelites once again forgot what God told them to do. What I found interesting was that even after the Israelites grew strong enough to defeat the Canaanites, they didn't, but kept them as slaves, probably reasoning that forced labor was close enough to destruction, right? And far more useful. . .

The Lord also commands me to be holy and to not entertain the slightest bit of sin. Yet I think sometimes that I do the same thing the Israelites did. God tells me not to be anxious. Instead of ruthlessly confessing, praying, and turning to the Lord whenever I have an anxious thought, I reason that since the anxiety is not over the top, well, then it's not that big of a deal. Or maybe there are some fears I have or lies that I believe that I ignore--they are there, but I can usually stuff them down. My reasoning is that those sins or weaknesses are under my control (forced labor, if you will). However, like with the Promised Land, the Lord wants my heart to be free of both sin and influences which draw me away from Him. Only by working with the Lord to root out both sin and lies completely will I walk freely in the abundant life I have been given.

The Israelite's disobedience led to their exile and destruction. My disobedience could lead to my downfall as well. I am praying that the Lord will show me any areas where I am letting sin or lies hang around with the mistaken belief that they are serving me.

Never the Easy Way

2011-04-17T18:18:00.000-05:00

Reading through Luke right now. I have been pondering this section from Luke 11:37-41:

While Jesus was speaking, a Pharisee asked him to dine with him, so he went in and reclined at table. The Pharisee was astonished to see that he did not first wash before dinner. And the Lord said to him, "Now you Pharisees cleanse the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. You fools! Did not he who made the outside make the inside also? But give as alms those things that are within, and behold, everything is clean for you."

I never noticed the last part of this where Jesus tells the Pharisees to "give as alms those things that are within, and behold, everything is clean for you."

The Pharisees were masters of outer holiness--observing the letter of the law so that everyone could see. I can be a master of the easily seen part of Christianity as well (at least most of the time): I read my Bible, I pray, I go to church. I refrain from cursing, I don't steal, I sponsor a child in a developing nation, I go on mission trips. . . Yet all of these outer acts I can, and have, done while harboring jealousy, anxiety, anger, and disbelief.

What does Jesus want from me in those moments? He doesn't only want my outward obedience (which, though I am good at certain areas, is far from perfect as well). Jesus never lets me take the easy way. It is easier for me to grit my teeth and choose rightly than for me to open up my heart to Him and offer to Him my "alms" of ugliness. Yet He says that if I do that, if I ask Him to help me honestly examine my heart and ask Him to cleanse me of my unrighteousness, THEN I will be clean.

I often believe that Jesus doesn't want to see the real me, the yucky, icky, ugly parts of my heart. Yet, He died to save me from those parts, and to receive His grace fully, I need to be emptied of all of it, from the inside out. Seventh Day Slumber has a song related to this, which we sang at church today (God is always working, eh?):

YouTube - Seventh Day Slumber - from the inside out (lyrics)

Am I Awed?

2011-03-22T21:58:00.000-05:00

Today's account in Luke told of Jesus first forgiving the paralytic whose friends lowered him through the roof, and then, when the Pharisees objected, healing that same man to show God's power. What struck me today were the verses at the end of the story (Luke 5:26):

And amazement seized them all, and they glorified God and were filled with awe, saying, "We have seen extraordinary things today.

When was the last time that I was seized by amazement at God's power? How long since I have been filled with awe at seeing His hand move? What was the last occasion that I told someone of the extraordinary things that the Lord has done? I haven't personally seen a lame man walk, yet just a few weeks ago, I read testimony of the miraculous healing of a little baby from a mass in his lung that just disappeared (here is the link to the blog: Our Journey of Love: Another EXTRAordinary Miracle). Why was I not filled with awe? Is it too removed? Am I too much living in an age of skepticism? I have seen with my own eyes people pray to receive Christ, and seen the changes that have occurred. In rare instances, I have a glimpse of the amazing work that the Lord has done in me. . . Why do I not shout that from the rooftops?

This morning my first prayer was that God would open my eyes to the miraculous things that He is doing all around me and within me. My second was that I would be filled with amazement and awe, and that I would share with others these extraordinary things--that I would be so overflowing with excitement and awe that I could not keep silent.

More Like Mary

2011-03-14T10:05:00.000-05:00

I always enjoy reading Luke's account of the Christmas story. It's most familiar to me, and contains the most human interest of the four gospels, in my opinion. First Elizabeth finds out that, after years of barrenness, she is pregnant with the prophet of the Lord. Months later, Mary accepts the call of the Lord to bear Jesus, and she hurries to visit her cousin Elizabeth. As soon as Mary walks into the room, Elizabeth's baby John "jumps" in her womb. Amazing! Elizabeth is filled with the Holy Spirit and speaks words of encouragement to Mary, including these found in Luke 1:45:

And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.

Mary will be blessed because she believed the words of the Lord. I secretly delight in verses that contain feminine pronouns (and yes, I know that most of the "he's" do apply to me), because they instantly draw me closer to the text.

How does this apply to me? Obviously, no angel has appeared to me with a prophetic word. Yet Scripture is filled with promises to me, as a believer, from my Father:

I will never leave or forsake you.
I will provide for you.
I will complete the work I began in you.
In Me you will have fullness of joy.
I will accomplish what concerns you.
I will enable you to complete the good work that I have laid out for you.
I'm coming back.

And those are just what I can think of off the top of my head. Promise after promise of provision, power, and His presence fill the pages of my Bible. Like Mary (who was asked to do a far harder task than any I will probably face), I need to choose to believe what was spoken to me by the Lord.

Lean on Me

2011-03-07T07:27:00.000-06:00

Why do I believe so many lies about God? Reading in Psalm 50 today revealed yet another misconception that I hold about the Lord. Verses 14-15 say:

Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving,
and perform your vows to the Most High,
and call upon me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me.

When faced with difficulties, I do tend to pray and ask the Lord for help--I am doing the right thing. However, in the back of my mind is the idea that He is frustrated, impatient, or even annoyed with me about all of the times that I call on Him. Surely I'm supposed to have figured this out by now. Surely this circumstance is not that big a deal to anyone else. Surely I can figure it out on my own.

However, verse fifteen tells me to call on the Lord so that He can deliver me and so that I may glorify Him. He wants me to call on Him. I'm supposed to be dependent on Him. It's part of the plan that I come to Him with everything, big and small. He may not swoop in and remove all of the obstacles--He may deliver me in small steps as I obey Him little by little--but my turning to Him glorifies Him. Glorifying the Lord is high on my list of what I want to do with my life, so I purpose to heed the psalmist and call on the Lord frequently and first, and without fear of His reaction.

Game-Changer

2011-02-22T07:20:00.000-06:00

Reading in Leviticus now, all about law and diet and skin diseases. It's been hard to find the connection between my life and Scripture these past few days. Today I'm getting a glimmer of a truth which I think is very deep, a truth that I don't fully understand, and a truth that many wise theologians have no doubt explained much better. Today I was reading in Leviticus 13, about the permutations of skin diseases and baldness and leprosy. The priests of the time would have to inspect the sores and eruptions to decide whether the afflicted person was clean or unclean. The priest would also need to know how to sacrifice to restore the person to fellowship (if they could).

During my initial reading of this chapter, all I could think was, "Ick. Don't think I'd want the job of priest back then." However, I am also reading in the Gospel of Mark, and yesterday came across the story of Jesus healing the leper. My Bible pointed out that Jesus could touch the leper and make the leper clean, whereas anyone else who touched a leper would have become unclean. Jesus is more radical than I realize. . . Hebrews talks a lot about how Jesus is our new high priest, and how He is the best and perfect high priest. I am starting to understand just how different Jesus was from the religious leaders of the day.

The priests had laws and rules and systems of sacrifices to make to intercede for the people. They had to make sacrifices for themselves. They could not touch lepers or other unclean people. If they did, a sacrifice would have to be made. Then comes Jesus--touching lepers and healing them. Touching Gentiles and making them whole. Touching corpses and raising them from the dead. Yet He remains pure and unstained. He really is a miracle--His coming changed everything.

Jesus does the same thing with my sin. He came and touched my heart and, instead of being defiled by my sin and unholiness, He, through the ultimate sacrifice of Himself, makes me pure and holy. I don't have to list all of my sins and then do the appropriate sacrifice, over and over and over. Once for all, the atonement has been made. My mind cannot truly grasp Who Jesus is, but my heart is overflowing with thankfulness this morning that He loves me, saves me, and lives in me.

We Won't Go Without Him

2011-02-13T18:16:00.001-06:00

Still in Exodus, still surrounded by references to waiting. After the Israelites create the golden calf and try to worship it, the Lord tells Moses that He is not going to lead them to the Promised Land because they are so stiff-necked, and because He would consume them with His anger. Moses intercedes for the people, saying to the Lord, in Exodus 33: 15-16:

. . . "If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people? Is it not in your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?"

Moses tells the Lord, in essence, that he and the people will not go until the Lord goes with them. He is willing to wait for the Lord's presence rather than leave without it.

Am I willing to do that in my life? The Israelites knew that the Lord was calling them to go to Canaan, but Moses did not want to go without the Lord's presence among them. Sometimes I face decisions that are not always clear. Sometimes, especially if they are not specifically addressed in Scripture, I must just make the best decision that I can and listen/watch carefully for clues along the way as to if it is God's will. Other times, I think that God wants me to wait until He makes it clear--to delay my decision until I know that He goes before me.

The whole of the Israelites' journey was waiting, even before they were judged for their lack of faith. The end of Exodus (Exodus 40: 34-38) states:

Then the cloud covered the tent of meeting, and the glory of the LORD filled the tabernacle. And Moses was not able to enter the tent of meeting because the cloud settled on it, and the glory of the LORD filled the tabernacle. Throughout all their journeys, whenever the cloud was taken up from over the tabernacle, the people of Israel would set out. But if the cloud was not taken up, then they did not set out till the day that it was taken up. For the cloud of the LORD was on the tabernacle by day, and fire was in it by night, in the sight of all the house of Israel throughout all their journeys.

The people could not leave until the Lord moved. It might be one day, it might be two weeks. They simply had to wait for the cloud to depart. They couldn't hurry it up or delay it. Their focus was on waiting for the Lord and watching what He was doing. Thankfully, believers have the Holy Spirit within them to guide and direct. However, I know that many times I want to run ahead of the Holy Spirit's leading, or stay in a situation longer than I should because it's comfortable. Through all of these stories of waiting, I think I am starting to see that God is always wanting me to look toward Him, following Him when He leads, and staying put when He doesn't. I want my heart to say, like Moses, "If your presence will not go with me, do not bring [me] up from here." In that waiting will God get glory and will the world see that I and my fellow believers are "distinct . . . from every other people on the earth".

What is Our Problem?

2011-02-03T10:02:00.000-06:00

The journey continues through Exodus. The Israelites are now free from Egypt and Moses is trying to lead them. The Lord speaks to Moses (Exodus 19:3-6): The LORD called to him out of the mountain, saying, "Thus you shall say to the house of Jacob, and tell the people of Israel: You yourselves have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I bore you on eagles’ wings and brought you to myself. Now therefore, if you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all peoples, for all the earth is mine; and you shall be to me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation. These are the words that you shall speak to the people of Israel."

Moses tells the people these things, and then the Lord gives more direction to Moses (Exodus 19: 9): And then the Lord speaks to the people:
And the LORD said to Moses, "Behold, I am coming to you in a thick cloud, that the people may hear when I speak with you, and may also believe you forever."

Many times when I read about the Israelites, I wonder how they could see and hear and touch and feel the Lord's majesty and provision and yet turn to idols. Pride makes me imagine that I would surely not turn away if I saw such wonders from the Lord. . . Truth says otherwise, since I have seen wonders of salvation and grace and mercy and still disbelieve.

I'm still curious, though. WHY do we doubt the Lord so easily when we have seen His power? The people SAW the Lord part the Red Sea. Every day, food fell from heaven. Moses struck a rock and God gave them water. The Lord appeared to them in a cloud. Yet, within weeks, the people are demanding that Aaron make them another god to take care of them. WHY??

Exodus 32:1 records what the people said after Moses had been gone on the mountain to get the law from the Lord:
When the people saw that Moses delayed to come down from the mountain, the people gathered themselves together to Aaron and said to him, "Up, make us gods who shall go before us. As for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him."

The people didn't know what was taking Moses so long. They could not wait.

If you have read this blog at all, even just the title, you know that waiting has been a theme of mine for a while. . . A theme of the Lord's, actually. Why did the Israelites turn to idols? Because they could not wait for Moses to come back. Why did they grumble against the Lord? Because they could not wait to take the land. Why do I lose heart and get discouraged? Because I can't wait for what the Lord is doing. Why do I try and get what I want by my own means? Because I feel I have waited long enough. A huge reason for our frustration and the resultant sin is the difficulty we have in waiting.

Yet, the Lord is showing me more and more that His very purpose in the waiting is to grow our faith. Since faith is "the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1), the absolute only way we will obtain faith is by believing the Lord for what we do not see. I will only believe God is working things together for good by waiting and trusting Him in the bad and then seeing the good. I will believe the Lord takes care of me by waiting for His provision and receiving it when I can't do it myself. I will believe in the grace of God by experiencing it when I walk through the pain. Much to my chagrin, I am finally understanding that there are no shortcuts to a relationship with the Lord or to genuine faith. There is no "easy button."

A Matter of Timing

2011-02-01T10:25:00.000-06:00

The book of Exodus is where I am reading now, and it is probably one of my favorites. Even more so than last year, 2011 seems to be shaping up as a year of waiting (or else I'm finally realizing that ALL of life is waiting), and that thread is evident throughout Exodus. In chapter three, when Moses hears the Lord speak out of the burning bush, deliverance appears imminent for Israel (Exodus 3:7-8):

Then the LORD said, "I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters. I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the place of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites.

Okay, got it, Moses will go to the Pharaoh and the people will be set free and they'll be in the Promised Land by nightfall. Moses does return to Egypt and share with the people the words that the Lord has spoken, and they respond positively(Exodus 4:31):

And the people believed; and when they heard that the LORD had visited the people of Israel and that he had seen their affliction, they bowed their heads and worshiped.

So far, so good, but then. . . Pharaoh's heart is hard. The conditions of the Israelites goes from bad to worse. Plague after plague after plague rain down on Egypt. Even after the final plague, when Pharaoh finally releases Israel, he changes his mind and sends the army after them. The people's response now (Exodus 14:11-12)?

They said to Moses, "Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: 'Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians'? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness."

I can so identify with the Israelites. Hundreds of years of captivity, and finally, a deliverer. God has heard their cries, He has sent Moses, He SAYS He's going to rescue them. They are worshiping and rejoicing, ready to go. And then. . . it doesn't happen when they think it should. It doesn't happen how they think it should. It doesn't happen as easily as they think it should. They have been promised deliverance, and they want it NOW.

Looking back from the vantage point of thousands of years and having seen the end of the story, I can see some of what the Lord was doing. Moses couldn't see, at first (Exodus 5:22):

Then Moses turned to the LORD and said, "O Lord, why have you done evil to this people? Why did you ever send me? For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has done evil to this people, and you have not delivered your people at all."

The Lord's response (Exodus 6: 6-8):

Say therefore to the people of Israel, 'I am the LORD, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will deliver you from slavery to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great acts of judgment. I will take you to be my people, and I will be your God, and you shall know that I am the LORD your God, who has brought you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. I will bring you into the land that I swore to give to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob. I will give it to you for a possession. I am the LORD.'

Over and over again in Exodus the Lord proclaims that He will deliver the people in order to show both the people and Pharaoh and, indeed, the world, Who He is. He had a purpose in the waiting. He had a purpose in the process. The people had been enslaved for hundreds of years. Deliverance would not be instant. Even after they escaped Egypt, the Lord planned to lead them the long way around.

Why do things seem to take so long, even things that are promised? Noah built the boat for a long time with no rain in sight. Abraham and Sarah waited years for Isaac. The time between David was anointed king and proclaimed king was not short. I think that the Lord is showing me that the purpose now is the same as it was back then. He wants me to know Who He is. The only way that I will know God is by wrestling with Him (as did Moses) and by demonstrating my faith when I choose to believe the promises that haven't happened yet. I can look back at seasons in my life where I now see some of what the Lord was doing in the waiting. It always comes down to trusting God's character and walking in faith. The verse that I have been standing on during times of waiting is Psalm 25:3:

Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame...

I must trust His timing and trust His heart.

Not Forgotten

2011-01-20T10:40:00.000-06:00

Still happily reading in Genesis, in the middle of the account of Joseph. I know the story well, which can be a dangerous viewpoint from which to read Scripture. In chapter forty, we read about how an imprisoned Joseph correctly interprets the dreams of Pharoah's cupbearer and chief baker. Joseph asks the cupbearer to remember him so that he can get out of prison. The cupbearer is restored to his position, but chapter forty closes with this verse:

Yet the chief cupbearer did not remember Joseph, but forgot him.

No sugar-coating here, no excuses, and no reasons. The cupbearer forgot Joseph. Joseph may have pinned a great deal of hope onto the thought that the cupbearer would remember, but he didn't.

I have sometimes pinned a great deal of hope onto someone remembering me: Maybe someone will think to invite me to this event. Maybe someone will thank me for this service. Maybe someone will tell me how special I am. In both small and large ways, we all want to be remembered and thought of and made special. However, the reality is that people forget. People like the cupbearer to whom we did a significant service move on without a backward glance. People who promise to be faithful aren't always. People who love us hurt us.

Though this verse is a harsh one, it reminds me that the Lord is the only One Who will always remember me. In fact, during the "Believing God" study (Beth Moore) last summer, there was a lesson about that very thing. God "remembered" such people as Noah, Abraham, and Rachel. God's remembering usually involves action on our behalf. Two years after the cupbearer is freed from prison, Pharoah has a dream and Joseph is finally mentioned. At just the right time, Joseph emerges to help save much of the world from famine.

I wish the Bible had included an account of what Joseph was thinking during his years in prison. He must have had days if not weeks of discouragement and struggle. How do we continue to believe that God is faithful when every human person has forgotten, and when there is no evidence that even God has remembered? What encourages me in my own times when I feel forgotten or can't see God at work is that the dungeon wasn't the end of the story, but the middle. My challenge is to believe that God is remembering even when I feel forgotten:

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

Ask for What You Want

2011-01-04T13:32:00.000-06:00

I am continually amazed by how God will take a verse that I have heard or read many, many, times and reveal something new. I was praying about something this morning, feeling anxious about it, and the "go-to" verse about anxiety, Philippians 4:6-7 popped into my head:

. . . do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Like many of you, I have read/heard/memorized this verse over the years. This time I keyed into the word "request". Often when I ask God something, I try to figure out what He would want me to pray for in a given situation, or what I think is His will. My anxiety this morning wasn't really a black or white situation, just something that was bothering me.

During Beth Moore's "Believing God" study, which I did last summer, she talked about how we can ask God for anything. He may say "No", but we, as His children, may always ask. So, instead of qualifying what I wanted with "if it's Your will" or "if this would be best", I just simply, like the verse says, made my request to the Lord. I asked Him for what I wanted. I don't know if it's His will, and I don't know if it's best for me. It's a little scary to just tell God what my heart's desire is. I will be disappointed if He tells me "No." However, I will say, that, just as the verse says (imagine that), since praying, I do feel peaceful. I don't know the answer yet, and may not for a while, but I have made my request and am resting in His peace.

The Original "No-Spin Zone"

2011-01-01T15:51:00.001-06:00

Happy New Year! I am so happy to be starting over in the Bible with Genesis and Matthew. I know that all Scripture is God-breathed, but I have a hard time with the minor prophets and Revelation, which is where I've been reading for the past few weeks. The first chapter in Matthew begins with the genealogy of Christ. Now, sometimes (just SOMEtimes) I skip, or at least skim, the genealogies. In light of it being the first day of 2011, fresh with the possibility of being deliberate and thoughtful and purposeful in my reading (and because I'm on break still), I read it carefully. The second part of verse six is what I noticed:

And David was the father of Solomon by the wife of Uriah

Really? The first chapter of the first book of the New Testament and we're airing that dirty laundry? Solomon is David's by Bathsheba, who is Uriah's wife? Did we need to tell that? Uriah was already dead by the time Solomon was conceived. Why share that information?

Maybe to show that God's plans will prevail no matter our sin? Maybe to remind us that God's grace is bigger than our mistakes (even BIG mistakes like adultery and murder)? Maybe to spotlight the Lord rather than His fallible leaders? Maybe to illustrate that the truth will set us free (John 8:32)?

I'm not sure why Matthew chose that phrase over something more positive or more neutral or more gracious. Sometimes I am frustrated by the pervasive attitude in many churches that negative or unsavory facts should be couched in a positive, skirting-the-real-issue sort of way. "David is the father of Solomon by his wife, Bathsheba" is what most of our church missives would have read. Yes, we need to be gracious about other people, not gossip, and choose to believe the best about others. But there are times when the truth and the facts need to be baldly stated so that all of us can see the glory of God as it contrasts with our sin and the sovereignty of the Lord as He accomplishes His purpose in spite of us.

Small Things

2010-12-23T16:33:00.000-06:00

Reading in Zechariah today, in chapter four, and am thinking about verse ten:

10 For whoever has despised the day of small things shall rejoice, and shall see the plumb line in the hand of Zerubbabel.

Specifically, I am mulling over the idea of "small things", and of waiting for small things to become greater. Jesus Incarnate began as all other babies do, as something very, very small. Nine months of waiting for Mary and Joseph. . . years of waiting for Anna and Simeon. . . hundreds of years of waiting for the Jews both for the Messiah and for hearing the voice of the Lord (Whose prophets had been silent for a long, long time). Then, after the baby's birth, more waiting. There were more than thirty years of waiting until Jesus began His ministry.

As I have blogged before, it often seems like the majority of life is waiting. Waiting to see if something good will be given. Waiting to see if something bad will be taken away. Waiting in anticipation. Waiting in dread. The Lord could have just dropped Jesus fully grown onto the scene, ready to preach. But He didn't. I don't know why the Lord waited for so long to send Jesus, or why He chose to begin His great work of redemption in such a small, unseen way. It comforts me that Jesus Himself experienced waiting: Waiting in the womb. Waiting through childhood, adolescence, young adulthood. Waiting for three days in a tomb.

God must be doing something through the waiting. Maybe He had to wait for a woman who would say "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word." For a man who would listen to an angel and marry her anyway. . . For twelve men who would follow . . . All of time is in God's hands, and He knows the perfect timing. My struggle is trusting Him. I must remember first of all that my perception of "the perfect time" is flawed and limited, and second of all, that I should not despise the days of small beginnings, but trust the Lord to do the great things that He has promised, even if I must wait much longer than I think I should.

Funnily enough, after thinking about this new-to-me thought about Jesus having to wait, I was listening to the radio and heard one of the radio personalities talking about that very thing. I love it when God does that!

Merry Christmas, and may we remember the miracle of small beginnings as we remember the miracle of a tiny baby coming to save us.

Singing Lessons

2010-12-18T09:08:00.000-06:00

Psalm 137 is a psalm from when the Jews were exiled from their homeland. Verse four says:

How shall we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?

The New Testament sometimes refers to believers as "aliens and strangers" (1 Peter 2:11, NAS). I feel strange and alienated in this world sometimes. How do I "sing the Lord's song" in the world of 2011?

I asked the Lord that this morning during my prayer time. Seems that it wasn't as difficult a question as I first imagined: Complain less. Encourage more. Believe the best. Love people. Compliment people. Don't compromise Biblical principles in my life. Reflect God's glory.

If only the singing of the song were as easy as writing the words to it. . .

Reminded of the Gift

2010-12-11T20:21:00.000-06:00

I'm now in the time of "read the Bible in a year" that is hardest for me, when the Old Testament reading is in the minor prophets and the New Testament reading is in Revelation. I am very thankful that reading in the Psalms is a year-long endeavor. Today I read Psalm 130:

Psalm 130
My Soul Waits for the Lord
A Song of Ascents.
1Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD!
2O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive
to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

3If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
4But with you there is forgiveness,
that you may be feared.

5I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
6my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.

7O Israel, hope in the LORD!
For with the LORD there is steadfast love,
and with him is plentiful redemption.
8And he will redeem Israel
from all his iniquities.

I was especially touched by verses 3 and 4 and verse 7. My iniquities are great--just today I had to ask a friend to grant forgiveness for my bad attitude. The day before I had to apologize to my class for crabby words. Every day I sin. Yet my God is no longer counting my iniquities. They are forgiven through Jesus. I so often get caught up in the Christmas madness of gift-buying and cookie-making and home-decorating and miss the miracle of Jesus. We have been given FULL redemption--PLENTIFUL redemption, in fact. Not just a little bit, but a lot. I am thankful to the Lord for reminding my heart of this.

Get Ready. . .

2010-11-24T15:26:00.000-06:00

Reading in 1 Peter right now (and, on a side note, finished Ezekiel today. Woo-hoo!). These verses stood out to me in chapter one:

13Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

"Preparing my mind for action". . . Do I do that when I read the Bible? Not as much as I should. It's easy to just read, close the book, and move on into my day. I feel challenged to add to my prayers each day a request for the Lord to show me what action He wants me to take that day. What do I need to obey from the Scripture I just read (which can be tricky when reading in Ezekiel about the dimensions of the temple) OR how can I be ready to love and serve during the daily grind of work and life?

I want Christ's love and grace to be living and active in me, and my part of that is to have a mind prepared for action.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Even Ezekiel

2010-11-07T20:09:00.001-06:00

I confess. Sometimes, in the prophetic books, the lineages, and the painstakingly detailed descriptions of the temple, I skim. It's true. Right now I'm reading in Ezekiel, and I have done my share of skimming, but then the Lord used chapter 14 to speak specifically to me:

4Therefore speak to them and say to them, Thus says the Lord GOD: Any one of the house of Israel who takes his idols into his heart and sets the stumbling block of his iniquity before his face, and yet comes to the prophet, I the LORD will answer him as he comes with the multitude of his idols, 5 that I may lay hold of the hearts of the house of Israel, who are all estranged from me through their idols.

Idolatry I am familiar with. Painfully familiar, because I have struggled quite a bit with it. But to read and comprehend the idea that I have taken idols into my heart was very sobering, especially when God had His finger on a specific idol. To take something into one's heart is a serious thing. My heart is supposed to be where Jesus dwells, not an idol. Israel got in enough trouble over high places that were nowhere near the temple; how much more serious is an idol in our hearts? But isn't that ultimately what makes an idol? Something that takes up more space in our hearts/minds/time than it should? Something inhabiting the inner workings of our hearts where only God should dwell?

More moving to me was when the Lord told Ezekiel that He wants to "lay hold of the hearts of the house of Israel". He describes Israel as being "estranged" from the Lord. "Estranged" is also an emotional word, a family word. The Lord looks on the idols in our hearts and it grieves Him. He wants all of our heart, with no idols between Him and His children.

Most amazing about this Ezekiel passage is that the Lord knew exactly the day I would read it (along with everyone else following my particular "read the Bible in a year plan") and knew the particular circumstances that He was engineering to reveal the particular idol that He was targeting. . . thus showing me that He wants to lay hold not just of Israel's hearts, but of mine.

Loincloth Lessons

2010-10-23T21:55:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm still here, still reading, still listening for the voice of God. I read something in Jeremiah a few weeks ago that I have had stuck in the back of my mind, and, driving home tonight praying and worshipping, I think I see what the Lord is wanting to show me.

The Lord often told His prophets to do some crazy things to be a picture or example to His watching people. In Jeremiah 13: 1-11, the Lord has specific instructions about a loincloth:

1Thus says the LORD to me, "Go and buy a linen loincloth and put it around your waist, and do not dip it in water." 2So I bought a loincloth according to the word of the LORD, and put it around my waist. 3And the word of the LORD came to me a second time, 4"Take the loincloth that you have bought, which is around your waist, and arise, go to the Euphrates and hide it there in a cleft of the rock." 5So I went and hid it by the Euphrates, as the LORD commanded me. 6And after many days the LORD said to me, "Arise, go to the Euphrates, and take from there the loincloth that I commanded you to hide there." 7Then I went to the Euphrates, and dug, and I took the loincloth from the place where I had hidden it. And behold, the loincloth was spoiled; it was good for nothing.

8Then the word of the LORD came to me: 9"Thus says the LORD: Even so will I spoil the pride of Judah and the great pride of Jerusalem. 10This evil people, who refuse to hear my words, who stubbornly follow their own heart and have gone after other gods to serve them and worship them, shall be like this loincloth, which is good for nothing. 11For as the loincloth clings to the waist of a man, so I made the whole house of Israel and the whole house of Judah cling to me, declares the LORD, that they might be for me a people, a name, a praise, and a glory, but they would not listen.

The idea that has been pursuing me for the past weeks is the image of the Lord wanting us to be as close to Him as an intimate undergarment. We all desire intimacy, yet we can't "cling" to other people or we will suffocate them. No one can successfully provide perfect, secure relationship at all times. Only the Lord can meet that need. What made verse eleven so important to me, the idea I've been trying to wrap my brain around for these weeks, is that the Lord WANTS us to cling to Him. He DESIRES us to be intimately close to Him, and is humble enough in His glory to use the image of the whole house of Israel (which here, I think, can be a metaphor for us, as well) clinging to Him like a loincloth.

Yet I still doubt His intent toward me, and during my drive I repented of that and prayed that He would help me cling to Him that closely. How amazing that, thousands of years later, the obedience of Jeremiah and the Word of the Lord is still used to touch my hard human heart.

Gifts from God

2010-09-29T07:15:00.000-05:00

Today is my birthday, and I smiled after my quiet time this morning because the Lord knows me so well. First He gave me a happy present from Psalm 71, verse three (the first half):

Be to me a rock of refuge,
to which I may continually come. . .

The word that I liked and that made me smile was "continually". I sometimes feel that I am running back to the Lord with the same problems/feelings over and over and over. And I am. But that's okay, because now I have express permission to "continually" come.

Secondly, the Lord gave me a "whack" with Proverbs 29:11:

A fool gives full vent to [her] spirit,
but a wise [woman] quietly holds it back

Over the weekend I had some moments of giving full vent to my spirit which ended up in conflict and hurt and . . .yuck. God just gave me my next memory verse. Somehow correction straight from the Holy Spirit is the easiest to receive.

So, thank you to the Lord for BOTH of my birthday presents, both the happy and the hard.

It Rests on God

2010-09-18T09:54:00.000-05:00

Reading through Psalm 62 this morning, and I am grateful for a God Who knows exactly what I need to hear and when I need to hear it. Verses 5-7:

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.

It's so easy to put our hope in something or someone other than the Lord: Success, money, security, growth, friends, family, relationships. But my only true hope is in God. He is my security and my safe place.

I also find great comfort that my salvation and my glory rest on God, and not on me. Not on my faith or my works or my obedience, but on God. This morning is a time when I know without at doubt that my only glory comes from God and it not from me, and I am grateful that He is the one in charge. I don't have to be strong or know what I am doing--He has it covered!

Waiting PATIENTLY

2010-09-06T09:16:00.000-05:00

The title of this blog continues to haunt me. . . I am discovering these days that there is a difference between waiting and waiting patiently. Maybe at the beginning of the process, there is virtue simply in the waiting, but now, when I have been waiting for some things for a very long time, it seems that more is required. I'm reading a really good book right now by Priscilla Shirer, called "One in a Million", which is about the Israelites and their wilderness experience, and about how we should handle our own wilderness experience.

The Israelites have lots of trouble with complaining. So do I. From p. 115 in "One in a Million":

The spirit of complaint is born out of an unwillingness to trust God with today. Like the Israelites, it means that you are spending your time looking back toward Egypt or wishing for the future, all the while missing what God is doing right now. . . It takes what God is doing in your life and smashes it into a thousand wasted pieces.

Me waiting on God and complaining the whole time about how hard it is and how I hate to wait is negating any value whatsoever in the actual waiting. As much as I hate to wait (and, yes, I really do), I hate more that I may be undoing any witness or any character growth that the Lord might hope to do through me or in me because I am choosing not to wait quietly or patiently. If I must wait, I at least would like it to be for a purpose and to God's glory.

I read in Psalm 50:14-15 today words which dovetail nicely with these thoughts:

"Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving,
and perform your vows to the Most High,
and call upon me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me."

When I am tempted to complain or whine, I need to offer thanksgiving instead--which is the sacrifice part. I don't FEEL like giving thanks, but that is when I need to choose to thank the Lord for His love and His presence in my life, and to call out to Him rather than to whine to everyone else.

And I think everyone else might be kind of happy about this plan as well!

Kind Consequences

2010-08-16T07:26:00.001-05:00

I tend to be a rule-follower. I like to do things "right", especially when it comes to God. That motivation is not altogether wrong, but I am often trying to get it right so that I can make God love me more (I can't) or so I don't make Him angry with me.

Yesterday, through my sin, God showed me more of His character. I was wanting to do something (that was not in and of itself wrong or sin) and God very clearly told me to wait. I was good with this for the first day, the second day, and almost the third day, but then I decided that surely He didn't mean wait SO long (3 whole days!), so I would just help the matter out a little bit. Oops. This part of the story is when my human nature would write in about how horrible and awful things happened because I disobeyed what the Lord told me to do.

God wrote a different story. I got my way and did what I wanted and. . . the end result wasn't what I had hoped. Nothing bad happened, but I didn't get the good I was seeking. Then the Lord very gently pointed out to me that I did not meet the need that I had, and that I would be much happier and it would be so much better if I waited for Him to work instead of pushing ahead. There were no thunder claps or lightning strikes, just His gentle reminder that He wants what's best for me.

My heart was touched that the Lord knew just what would speak to me the most. I deserved Him to holler at me and be mad, because I ignored what He said to me. However, I felt like He knew my frame and my heart and knew that I needed to recognize that His correction is not always severe, but often (always?) laced in mercy.

Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? (Romans 2:4)

May I never presume upon God's kindness, but may I remain thankful to have experienced His kindness that leads to repentance. I'm back to waiting mode. . .

Trusting the Author

2010-07-30T12:24:00.000-05:00

Funny how God speaks from out of nowhere. Last week I was on vacation with some friends, reading a young adult book called "The Underneath". I am not a fan of books with loads of sadness or unhappy endings, and since this book contained many sad elements, I was a little worried about whether it would end well. To my relief and satisfaction, the ending was just what it should have been--redemption for the most lovable main characters and justice for the villain.

In discussing the book with my friends, I was sharing how I had been unsure about whether it would be worth it to keep reading, because I wasn't positive that there would be a payoff at the end, but that I did, and there was. A friend commented that it was just another example of how life and the Christian walk is a journey. I'm not fond of the journey analogy. In fact, I pretty much loathe the reality that it's the journey and not the destination. The Lord and I argue about that regularly.

However, this is where the Lord jumped in, and spoke through MY mouth. I replied, "Yes, I know, I know, but in the book I trusted the author that the end would be worth it." Ouch. Therein is the crux of it: Do I trust God, the author and perfecter of my faith? Do I trust that in my story, the sadness and trials will be necessary and I will see their purpose at the end? Do I believe that the circumstances are not the end, but the means? Am I confident that the Lord's authorship of my life is skilled and careful and full of redemption?

I trusted the author of this novel because I could see the care in which she had crafted her characters and the poetry in her story. Evidence of God's caring and craft is all around me. Amazed again at how the Lord knows the perfect way to communicate with me, I am determining to trust the author of my story and keep reading to the end!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1-2, NIV)

Setting Our Hearts

2010-07-27T08:29:00.003-05:00

While I may no longer be in the desert, I think I am still wandering through the wilderness--hearing God's voice clearly now and then. I continue to pray, read the Bible, and wait. Today I was reading in 2 Chronicles about Jehoshaphat's reign. These verses stuck out to me:

"He [Jehoshaphat] walked in the way of Asa his father and did not turn aside from it, doing what was right in the sight of the LORD. The high places, however, were not taken away; the people had not yet set their hearts upon the God of their fathers."

Though Jehoshaphat was following the Lord and listening to His prophets, and had even officially ordered that the high places be torn down (2 Chronicles 17:6), the people were not wholeheartedly committed to the Lord. They had not "set their hearts" upon the Lord.

What does setting my heart upon the Lord look like? The people had just seen God do a miracle, in winning a major battle for them without them doing anything but go down to meet the opposing army. The Lord struck their enemy dead without them raising a weapon. So, listening to God and obeying Him does not seem to be the same as setting their hearts on the Lord. Maybe it is a deeper, heart work? A decision to commit completely to following the Lord, loving Him, and trusting Him at an emotional level and not only a practical one? Does it mean that, along with reading the Bible, praying, and obeying, I need to determine that my heart belongs to the Lord and that I will trust, praise, and believe His goodness in my life regardless of circumstances? That I won't just listen and obey without engaging my emotions? Lots to think about today.

With the Blessings, Risk

2010-07-12T08:25:00.005-05:00

Reading 1 Chronicles right now, and have finally gotten through the geneologies and on to the accounts of David's kingship. Today's portion told of when David decided to move the ark of the covenant, but did not follow the rules set forth by the Lord in how to do so (the ark was considered to be the presence of the Lord). 1 Chronicles 13:10-14 tell what happened:

And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Uzziah, and he struck him downbecause he put out his hand to the ark, and he died there before God. And David was angry because the LORD had broken out against Uzzah. . . And David was afraid of God that day, and he said, "How can I bring the ark of God home to me?" So David did not take the ark home into the city of David, but took it aside to the house of Obed-edom the Gittite. And the ark of God remained with the household of Obed-edom in his house three months. And the LORD blessed the household of Obed-edom and all that he had.

I had never noticed that David was angry with the Lord, and afraid of Him as well. I can relate to David's emotions. He might have been thinking, "Hey, I'm just trying to return the ark to its rightful place, and now this man is dead." Followed by, "Uh-oh. Maybe I don't really want to mess with the ark if death could be a result." So David sends the ark away, and the people who receive it also receive blessings.

I think there are parallels to our lives. We want the presence of the Lord, so we seek Him and try to obey Him. However, this seeking and obedience will sometimes result in death (of a vision, of a desire, of a plan) and pain, as we unexpectedly see the power of God and realize that, though He is our loving Savior, He is also the Great I Am who will not share His glory. That realization, that the Lord is not just the great grandpa in the sky, and that following Him requires sacrifice, may make us fear Him, and choose to "send Him away" by not talking to Him or spending time with Him.

Yet, we then start to notice that others who are following God are receiving blessings. Eventually, as with David, our desire for the blessing and connection to the Lord will outweigh our fear (2 Samuel 6:12):

And it was told King David, "The LORD has blessed the household of Obed-edom and all that belongs to him, because of the ark of God."So David went and brought up the ark of God from the house of Obed-edom to the city of David with rejoicing.

I realize we cannot draw a perfect parallel from the Old Testament world of the law to the New Testament world of grace, but I do think that I in my life have had moments of pulling away from the Lord--sending the ark away--because of anger and fear, and then realized the blessings I was missing, and chosen to try again to walk in the presence of the Lord. The choice is to risk the often painful character refinement and disappointment of "no" in exchange for communion and blessings. As a Christian, God will never leave me, and I cannot really send Him away, but I can chose to live without consulting Him or including Him in my plans. May all of us see that the blessings of walking with God are worth the risk.

One Little Word

2010-07-04T18:31:00.003-05:00

I continue to think about how to understand faith and how to walk in it. The verse I'm still thinking about (trying to memorize) is Matthew 7:20:

He said to them, ". . . For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."

When I was practicing and trying to get it word perfect, I kept changing the phrase "you will say to this mountain" to be "you could say" or "you can say". But my translation says "will". Hmm. So I looked up the verse in several translations, and in the ones that are the most word-for-word (English Standard Version, New American Standard Version, Revised Standard Version, New King James Version), the word is rendered as "will" or "shall".

What does that really mean? The idea of moving a mountain, according to the footnote in my Bible, is used to denote any very difficult or impossible task. If I truly have faith, is it inevitable that I will exercise it by applying it to something that seems impossible in my life? The verse says that if I have faith I WILL ask the mountain to move. What mountains are there in my life that I want the Lord to move--and right now I can only consider the mountains that I already know He wants to move (disbelief, fear, faithlessness). I'll save the more nebulous mountains (healings, miracles) for another day.

Can I, WILL I apply my mustard seed (the tiny, eensy, weensy grain) of faith to the mountains that seem impossible to move? Is it faith if I don't?

Logically Speaking

2010-07-01T08:02:00.003-05:00

For months now I have felt distant from the Lord. Today, finally, I feel like the Lord and I were connecting again. How did this happen? Wonderful worship music? In-depth study of scripture? Hours of prayer? No, actually, through a very simple and logical question.

I am in the middle of doing Beth Moore's "Believing God" Bible study about faith--ironic, yes, in light of feeling very lacking in faith lately. Today's simple exercise was to answer (in a pros/cons sort of way) the questions: "What are you risking if you decide to surrender to a life of believing God?" and "What are you risking if you don't?". Okay, no biggie, I made my list:

What do I risk by having faith? Disappointment and pain
What do I risk by NOT having faith: Disappointment and pain plus missing God's power, plus lessening my intimacy with God, plus losing the chance to be a part of partnering with God. . .

DUH!!!!!!! The biggest "aha" for me was that the two bad things that I fear, disappointment and pain, are the SAME for both questions. I risk the exact same things by believing God as by not, but by believing I have the potential to gain so much more. . .

I am also smiling at the oddity that such a simple and logical question was the vehicle of God's voice. That the Lord speak in this way shows me how well He knows me. I came to Him initially by the logic of the question "Who do you say that I am? Liar, lunatic, or Lord?" from C.S. Lewis--that, logically, I could not believe in Jesus as just a "good person", but had to choose to either think He was lying, or crazy, or really was Who He claimed to be. Once again, I am pushed to the next step of faith by the rational idea that having faith risks no more pain than not, but has the potential for so much blessing.

Finally, I almost lost the point by starting down my own personal "circle of doubt", which always begins with "But what if I don't have enough ___________,(faith in this case)?". And, from verses I have heard/read/seen one hundred thousand times but apparently never really apprehended (Matthew 17:20):

He said to them, . . . For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."

Those Sunday School and Vacation Bible School veterans among us know that the mustard seed is very, very small, and yet grows a very big plant. But somehow I have never applied that personally and realized that I just need to believe the teeny tiny bit that I can and it will be enough.

Is there anything better than hearing the voice of God?

Another Glimpse

2010-06-20T08:36:00.002-05:00

Maybe, just maybe, I am starting to see some of what the Lord is wanting to show me through this time of silence. Psalm 138:8:

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.
Do not forsake the work of your hands.

The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me regardless of whether I feel Him doing it. He will fulfill His purpose regardless of whether I perceive it. He will fulfill His purpose whether I agree with it. God is God completely and totally apart from my feelings about Him.

I think this is another piece of what faith is. I've heard for years and years how we aren't to be guided by feelings, and I never thought that I was, but these last months have shown me that I rely on my perceptions more than I rely on the simple truth of Who God is. He is working whether I realize it, recognize it, or resonate with it. If I never personally hear God's voice again, it does not mean that He has stopped speaking, or even that He has stopped His work in my life.

We are such fallible creatures, so slow to learn. I am thankful for God's patience with me on this journey.

ANYTHING

2010-06-16T08:57:00.003-05:00

My God can do anything. ANYTHING. Somehow I forget this truth, or minimize this reality, or ignore this fact. Today 1 Kings 17 was relating the story of Elijah and the widow's son. Elijah was staying with a poor widow, and her son dies. She comes to Elijah, and Elijah prays (1 Kings 17: 21-22):

Then he stretched himself upon the child three times and cried to the LORD, "O LORD my God, let this child’s life come into him again." And the LORD listened to the voice of Elijah. And the life of the child came into him again, and he revived.

Dead. The boy was stone-cold dead. In our regular life, physical death is final. No more help, no more heroics, no more hope. Yet God, Creator of all, breathed life back into a corpse. Think of Sarah. In her nineties. Menopause has come and gone. No more possibility of babies. No hope. Yet God, Author of life, knit Isaac together in her womb. Jesus Himself, three days in the tomb, His broken body seen by all. No hope. Yet God, Defeater of death, raises His son.

I still feel very distant from the Lord. Some days I feel hopeless because I don't know how to bridge the distance on my own. I am trying to have faith that God may yet, in His time, open my deaf ears, soften my hard heart, and revive my flickering hope.

Excited to Share?

2010-06-15T08:54:00.002-05:00

Reading in Acts today, the account of Cornelius, the Gentile who prays, gives, and seeks God. The Lord sends an angel to him to tell him to go and get Peter to explain the gospel to him. In Acts 10:24, it says:

. . . Cornelius was expecting them [Peter & friends] and had called together his relatives and close friends.

Cornelius had invited everyone that was important to him to come and hear from the apostle Peter. Do I get that excited about hearing from men of God? Would I invite all of my close friends and relatives if a Godly pastor were speaking at my church (which would mean every Sunday. . . hmmm)? Am I that enthusiastic to hear the truth and to share it?

Wanna come to church with me on Sunday?

Believe

2010-06-01T07:02:00.003-05:00

Like a broken record, let me say again that I am still here, still persevering, still feeling disconnected from the Lord.

Today I was reading in John about Doubting Thomas, who doesn't believe the other disciples when they tell him that Jesus is alive. He declares that he won't believe until he sees Jesus for himself and touches the wounds in his hands and sides. Jesus does appear to Thomas, and this is what He says (John 20:27):

Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe."

I think this is my challenge right now, as well, to not disbelieve, but believe. What do I need to believe? That God is still there, even if I can't sense it. That He is working when I can't see it. That He is in control and knows exactly what is happening in my life and is using it for good. That He is good. That He loves me. That He hasn't abandoned me. That I will hear His voice again.

Seems like a lot for a Monday morning. . .Pray for me?

Glimpses

2010-05-22T08:25:00.002-05:00

STILL here, STILL feeling distant from the Lord, STILL not liking it. But, as I've said about one billion times now, all I can do is to keep doing what I know I should: reading the Bible, praying, seeking to obey.

I have had some glimmers of hope lately. Small, small glimmers. I am trying to be very aware of how the Lord is working in my life, even if I can't feel it. James 1:17 says:

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Good things are happening in the midst of this silence, and I have been brought to tears by knowing that, even though I can't perceive Him right now, the Lord is still at work in my life and blessing me. So, I will continue to search for these glimpses of the Lord's hand, and trust that His presence will become more evident with time.

Complete Obedience

2010-05-13T07:07:00.002-05:00

Today's passage was in 1 Samuel 15, the episode where Saul, king of Israel, prepares to battle the Amalekites. Samuel, the prophet, tells Saul this (1 Samuel 15:3):

Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.

Pretty clear: Kill them all. Leave nothing. The Amalekites were enemies of the Lord and He wanted them completely destroyed. However, Saul failed to obey (1 Samuel 15: 9):

But Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep and of the oxen and of the fattened calves and the lambs, and all that was good, and would not utterly destroy them. All that was despised and worthless they devoted to destruction.

Saul decided that surely God couldn't mean for him to destroy all of those fat sheep and cows? There was nothing wrong with them, right? The Israelites needed them for their spoil. They would be useful. They were good. Maybe he thought that if he just destroyed the bad things, that would be sufficient.

I think that we can do the same thing in our lives. All of us have sin in our life that is obviously "despised and worthless"--from drug addiction to harsh speech. If someone points them out, we have no defense. Our only answer is "Yes, that's sin, yes, God wants me to get rid of it." However, I think we also have idols or areas in our lives where the thing itself is not bad, but maybe the value or time we attach to it is. Some examples include Facebook, chocolate, or relationships. Sometimes, for our sanctification or to remove idols from our lives, the Lord will tell us to get rid of something, maybe for a season, maybe forever. It can be very difficult to abandon something that is "good" in our eyes.

Obedience to the Lord is sometimes a very individual matter. For Saul, there were other battles in which Israel was allowed to keep the spoils. With the Amalekites, they were specifically told to devote the city to destruction. Saul's disobedience resulted in him losing the kingship.

I need to be listening to the Lord and simply obey what He says, even when I think that "Hey, these 'sheep' are perfectly fine and beneficial, surely You don't want me to get rid of them?" Surely He does if that's what He said.

Waiting Without Sinning

2010-05-12T07:16:00.002-05:00

Ah, the irony of my blog title as I am now waiting longer than it seems that I ever have to hear from the Lord. . .

Read in 1 Samuel 13 today about another person who was waiting, Saul. He has just won a battle and is hanging out at Gilgal, waiting for Samuel to come and perform the required sacrifices. Apparently Saul had been told at some point to wait for Samuel to come. Apparently Saul becomes impatient when Samuel doesn't come within the seven-day time span, and he offers the sacrifices himself. Bad idea. The consequence (1 Samuel 13:13-14):

And Samuel said to Saul, "You have done foolishly. You have not kept the command of the LORD your God, with which he commanded you. For then the LORD would have established your kingdom over Israel forever. But now your kingdom shall not continue. The LORD has sought out a man after his own heart, and the LORD has commanded him to be prince over his people, because you have not kept what the LORD commanded you.

While I am waiting, I need to purpose not to "do foolishly" by trusting in idols (my works, someone else, knowledge, etc) or by hardening my heart or by ignoring what I know is true in God's word. Saul lost the kingdom because of his disobedience and lack of trust. I need to keep waiting patiently and trusting the Lord to work, and pray to become a woman after His own heart.

Stuck

2010-05-08T09:14:00.002-05:00

Again, I'm still here, still reading, praying, seeking, still feeling stuck. Today I was in John 5: 39-40:

You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.

Am I trying to use the Bible as the "supernatural key" to the Lord (as I also read in 1 Samuel 4 a similar situation where the Israelites try to use the Ark of the Covenant as a magical battle charm) instead of simply "coming to Jesus"? And just what does it look like to come to Jesus? I did spend some time praying, and I'm still not sure what the Lord is doing with me right now, or what I need to be doing or not doing. . . All I can do is to keep reading, praying and seeking.
One of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes is from The Screwtape Letters. The book is written from the point of view of a demon trying to mentor another demon as they try to discourage a Christian:

Sooner or later He [God] withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature [us] to stand up on its own legs--to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. . . . He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. . . . Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys. (p. 39, Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis)

Idle Words

2010-04-28T07:26:00.004-05:00

I'm still here! I continue to read the Bible every day, and pray, but I don't feel very connected to the Lord. Today I read in Luke 24 about the time in between the crucifixion and the resurrection, when the disciples were in despair. The women go to the tomb to anoint the body, but instead of a corpse, find angels (Luke 24:5-7):

And as they were frightened and bowed their faces to the ground, the men said to them, "Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but has risen. Remember how he told you while he was still in Galilee, that the Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men and be crucified and on the third day rise."

So the women run back and share this good news with the other disciples, and this was their reaction (Luke 24:10-12):

Now it was Mary Magdalene and Joanna and Mary the mother of James and the other women with them who told these things to the apostles, but these words seemed to them an idle tale, and they did not believe them. But Peter rose and ran to the tomb; stooping and looking in, he saw the linen cloths by themselves; and he went home marveling at what had happened.

The women burst into the upper room to impart the words of hope from the angels, but the message seemed to the men an "idle tale", and they didn't believe. The words "idle tale" jumped out at me this morning, because that is how scripture has seemed to me lately--idle words. The opposite of idle is "at work", or, even "powerful". The words in the Bible that I have been reading have seemed devoid of power. I know that they are true intellectually, but the heart connection hasn't been there. Apparently the disciples knew that feeling.

What did Peter do with this "idle tale", however? He ran to the tomb, the last place where he thought Jesus might be, and looked for Him. Interestingly, Peter did not at that moment see the risen Lord. He saw the abandoned grave clothes, and "marveled" at seeing them, and then went home. Extrapolating to myself, I need to keep looking for Jesus and to go back to the last place that I heard Him speak, and see what He wants to show me there. It may not be an epiphany just yet, but maybe a glimmer of hope that God's Word is not, in fact, idle.

Sticking it Out

2010-04-20T07:23:00.002-05:00

Okay, here it is: I am still reading in the Bible everyday. In the Old Testament I'm in the chapters in Joshua where the land is divided. Not a lot of practical application (that I can see). Also reading in the Psalms and the book of Luke. Surely I should be able to come up with something pertinent from them? Nope.

This moment is when it is tempting both to stop reading or to make something up that sounds really spiritual to convince myself that I am hearing from God. The truth is that there are many days when I spend time with the Lord and I don't have any giant revelation. I read even about the life of Jesus and just say, "Yes, yes, I remember this, I agree with this, but. . . ".

Today I prayed and asked the Lord to show me if there is anything that I am doing that is blocking me from hearing Him, and I am trusting that He will show me if there is. There may be some specific sin (there's always something)of which I need to repent. However, there may not be. It may be that this is a time that I need to walk in faith and stick with the discipline of a daily quiet time, trusting that the Lord will show up again. My closeness and worth to God are not measured in how much I "feel" Him or what insight I receive each day. Because of the cross, I am God's child as much on the days that I have goosebumps from feeling His presence as on the days when I can't focus to pray for more than ten seconds without thinking about what I need to do that day. I'm so thankful that my security is in HIM and His truth, not in my feelings or understanding.

Another "Aha!" Moment

2010-04-14T07:20:00.002-05:00

A few months ago I posted about how sometimes I will suddenly apprehend a truth that seems, in hindsight, pretty obvious, and not anything new at all. Today would be another day like that! In Joshua 10, Joshua and the Israelites are going to go fight some more Canaanites. The Lord says in verse 8:

And the LORD said to Joshua, "Do not fear them, for I have given them into your hands. Not a man of them shall stand before you."

My Bible footnote (yay for footnotes) points out that the Lord had given Joshua the land, yet he still has to go and fight for it. Bells, whistles, applause, I think it has clicked:

The Lord can give us the victory in an area, but we still have to go and fight to take possession of it. The Hebrews knew that the Lord had assured them victory because He told Joshua. However, it wasn't a victory of "Sit down on the couch and watch TV, and then I'll take care of the bad guys and you can move in tomorrow." Sometimes the Lord does move that decisively (Egyptians in the Red Sea), but not usually. The army had to go and fight. The Lord did intervene, in this case with hail and the sun standing still, but the soldiers had to march and Joshua had to lead.

So, when I read in the Bible that the Lord has given me everything I need (2 Peter 1:3), do I just sit and hope that I feel okay with that? I don't think so. I think my battle, in that area and others, is to have faith to believe that what the Lord says is true (the Israelites had to believe that they would win the battle even as they were fighting). I also must seek to know the Lord by prayer and reading scripture and obeying what I know to be true. Even when it looks like I am losing--when it doesn't look or feel like God is enough--I have to believe He is and walk accordingly.

I'm sure I have heard messages about this marriage of God's promises and our work (and let me be clear, salvation itself is a whole other animal), but I've never quite seen how it is all supposed to work together. I hope that I will be able to start playing my part in the battle with faith and determination, trusting that the Lord will give me the ultimate victory.

We Don't Know Everything

2010-04-13T07:25:00.002-05:00

I'm reading now in Joshua, about the Israelites beginning to conquer the Promised Land. They start out well, with the defeat of Jericho. However, even in this victory, the people already are disobeying the Lord. He had told them that all of the gold and silver spoils were to be dedicated to Him, for holy use, but one of the soldiers took some of the treasure for himself (Joshua 7:1):

But the people of Israel broke faith in regard to the devoted things, for Achan the son of Carmi, son of Zabdi, son of Zerah, of the tribe of Judah, took some of the devoted things. And the anger of the LORD burned against the people of Israel.

Joshua does not know that Achan has sinned in this way. So, without asking direction of the Lord, he determines to attack the city of Ai. Because of Achan's sin, the Lord is not with the Israelites, and they lose 36 men, and, worse, their hearts " melted and became as water (Joshua 7:5)." Joshua throws himself before the Lord after this defeat, and then the Lord reveals that someone in the camp has taken treasure belonging to God.

After Achan is revealed and punished, the Israelites try again to defeat Ai, and this time are successful, and, ironically, get to keep the treasure from their victory.

If only Joshua had inquired of the Lord before his attempt to take the city of Ai instead of after the loss. He thought he knew what the Lord wanted Him to do, and thought that he knew how to accomplish it. I have found myself in similar places--thinking that I know what God wants based on what He wanted last time, and proceeding forward without asking for wisdom or guidance. Joshua's problem was that he didn't have all of the facts. I, also, don't always have all of the facts. I need to remember the fact that I don't have all the facts, and remember to always ask the Lord what He wants me to do, even if I think that I know, because, just maybe, I don't.

Loosening the Dirt

2010-04-09T07:26:00.003-05:00

In Luke 13, Jesus tells a parable about a fig tree that is not producing fruit. The owner of the fig tree wants to cut it down because, for three years, the tree has been barren. The vinedresser, though, says in verse eight:

And he answered him, 'Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it . . . '

The point of the parable, according to my Bible, is to show that the Jews were not receiving the blessing of God because they were not acknowledging the prophets or Jesus (my paraphrase). The end of the parable is not so good, because it is assumed that the tree will not have fruit the next year, either.

What I am thinking about this morning is the process of "digging around" the roots of the plant. The idea was to loosen the dirt around the roots so that water could get in and nourish the plant. I think the Lord does that in our lives. We have places that are tightly packed with junk we are holding onto--fear, sin, shame--and He needs to loosen that soil so that His love and forgiveness can seep into our hearts.

I don't think the plant probably likes this--it feels all secure and safe in its bundle of roots and tightly packed soil, and then comes God, poking and prodding and digging. . . I know I have felt that way before--there are moments when I don't want the Lord digging around in my life, pulling things out and loosening things up so that I will have to let go and deal with them. However, that's part of the growth process.

I do like the picture of the water of God's love and forgiveness flowing freely around the roots of my heart and life. May I have the faith to trust that the digging will yield fruit. . .

He's Not Us

2010-04-07T07:25:00.002-05:00

I am thankful that the Lord is not like us. I am simultaneously reading in Deuteronomy about how the Israelites should be faithful to God but won't be, and in Psalm 78 about God's faithfulness to the Israelites in the face of their disobedience. The Lord did punish them for their "whoring" (Scripture's word, not mine) after other gods, but He did not annihilate them, which they deserved. The verses that spoke to me today were Psalm 78:37-39:

37Their heart was not steadfast toward him;
they were not faithful to his covenant.
38Yet he, being compassionate,
atoned for their iniquity
and did not destroy them;
he restrained his anger often
and did not stir up all his wrath.
39He remembered that they were but flesh,
a wind that passes and comes not again.

The line "He. . . atoned for their iniquity" touched me. It has always been the Lord atoning for our sin, making a way to be in relationship with Him, even before Jesus. If I could just understand how much God's heart is longing to be intimate with me. . .

Unfaithful

2010-04-06T07:21:00.003-05:00

I continue reading in Deuteronomy, where Moses is laying out before Israel their choice: Obey, trust, and follow God, and they will have abundance and blessing. Turn away and follow idols, and they will have curses. Even as Moses is describing the benefits of following God, my Bible's footnotes (ESV Study Bible) points out that it is assumed at the end of chapter 29 that Israel will be unfaithful. They are unable to be faithful because their hearts are not circumcised. Chapter 30 goes on to relate how Israel will repent and God will relent, and, finally in verse six:

And(I) the LORD your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your offspring, so that you will love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live.

God had to work in their hearts so they could fully obey the Lord. I don't understand how all of that works or doesn't work. Why was Israel seemingly incapable of obeying, even after seeing with their own eyes the faithfulness of God--eating the manna, wearing the shoes that never wore out, following the cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night? Yet they could not or would not be faithful. Why? Why did they run after gods of wood and stone when they had the power of the living God among them?

Why do I turn away from the Lord and worship idols of relationship, security, safety? I have seen God's goodness and power. Is it because I don't WANT to do what God wants me to do? It is because my flesh is selfish? Is it because I don't like to follow when I don't understand? I don't really believe God is for me? I don't really believe God is good? Are our hearts that prone to wander?

The end of chapter 30 (verses 19-20) is where I would like my heart to be:

Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the LORD your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days. . .

When Thoughts are Wearisome

2010-04-01T07:05:00.003-05:00

Do you ever get a headache from trying to figure out life? From trying to understand how people who aren't following God receive accolades and material success, and people who are trying to obey the Lord have hardship and pain? The person who wrote Psalm 73 struggled with these thoughts, too. He is thinking about how evil people appear to have many material blessings, and how that didn't make sense to him, especially after all of the instruction of the Lord that if the people obey the Lord, they will be successful, and if they don't, they won't. Verses 16 and 17 were what struck me today:

But when I thought how to understand this,
it seemed to me a wearisome task,
until I went into the sanctuary of God. . .

So often I try and process events and it seems like a "wearisome task"--I can't wrap my brain around it, it doesn't make sense, I just have a headache and don't want to think any more about it all. This verse shows me that I need to take my thoughts to the "sanctuary of God"--I need to bring my thoughts and feelings before Him and have Him help me sort them out. In this psalm, the verses go on to reveal to the psalmist that, though the evil may flourish for a while, they will come to a bad end--that he needs to view them in light of eternity.

May we be quick to take our "wearisome thoughts" to the Lord.

Over & Over

2010-03-30T07:20:00.002-05:00

Do you ever feel needy and like you struggle with the same issues over and over and over? The Lord encouraged me through Psalm 71:3 this morning:

Be to me a rock of refuge,
to which I may continually come. . .

Specifically, the word "continually" made me smile. I know that I continually need to know that God loves me. I continually need His strength. I continually go to Him for wisdom and help. I am so grateful that He can handle me. Indeed, this is the relationship to which He has called me: Utter dependence.

Questions

2010-03-29T07:28:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I come away from Scripture with more questions than answers. Reading in Luke 8 about Jesus healing the man with all of the demons. This man has been an outcast on an island, naked and crazy. Jesus comes and heals him, sending the demons into a herd of pigs. You would think that the observers would be excited and happy, eager to follow Jesus and see what He would do next, or what He would do for them. No. Verses 36-37 say:

And those who had seen it told them how the demon-possessed man had been healed. Then all the people of the surrounding country of the Gerasenes asked him to depart from them, for they were seized with great fear. So he got into the boat and returned.

The people were so afraid that they asked Jesus to leave. Why? Were they afraid of what Jesus would do to them? Were they fearful of what belief in Jesus would require of them? Were they scared of what they could not understand? I have thought a little about it, and I don't know. I can't think of a parallel for my life, exactly. I know I have been fearful of what the Lord will require of me, and have kept my heart from Him sometimes because of this, which is comparable to them asking Jesus to leave. . . I just don't know.

Thoughts?

It's Not Us

2010-03-28T08:31:00.002-05:00

Continuing in Deuteronomy, with Moses reminding the Israelites of who they are and Who God is. He is urging them not to imagine that the Lord is giving them the Promised Land because of their good deeds or merit (Deuteronomy 9:6):

Know, therefore, that the LORD your God is not giving you this good land to possess because of your righteousness, for you are a stubborn people.

Ouch. I guess God has no illusions about what lies beneath our service and sacrifice--I know that I myself, anyhow, underneath it all, pretty much want what I want and don't like it when I don't get it. I have moments of unselfishness and love because of the good God has put in me, but in my heart remains the tendency to choose what I want. Yet, I am redeemed and God has given me a new heart. . . That paradox, (which Paul apparently understood: Romans 7:19: For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.) makes this life frustrating sometimes. When I mess up, I am tempted to think that God is surprised or disappointed in me. However, God already knows the evil of my heart, and He didn't save me because of my righteousness and He doesn't love me because I am good.

Later on in Deuteronomy 10 (verses 14-16) Moses states it even more clearly:

Behold, to the LORD your God belong heaven and the heaven of heavens, the earth with all that is in it. Yet the LORD set his heart in love on your fathers and chose their offspring after them, you above all peoples, as you are this day. Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no longer stubborn

The Lord chose Israel, and us, because He wanted to. HE decided. Not me. He decided knowing full well the sin and stubbornness of our hearts. Knowing this should be motivation to submit our willful hearts to Him so that we can fully experience His fellowship, but that submission will not increase His love, only our awareness of it.

He Knows

2010-03-24T07:27:00.002-05:00

I continue to read through the Old Testament, and started Deuteronomy this week. It's one of my favorite books of the Bible, I have decided. The Israelites have been wandering in the desert for 40 years, but are about to get the the go-ahead to conquer and possess the Promised Land. A good deal of Deuteronomy is Moses talking to the people and reminding them of the past and encouraging them to trust the Lord. In Deuteronomy 2:7, Moses says:

For the LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He knows your going through this great wilderness. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you. You have lacked nothing.

The Lord knew about the wilderness, the Lord knew the people in the wilderness, the Lord stayed with them through the wilderness. Even though the people deserved the wilderness for their lack of faith, and in spite of the fact that the Lord is the One who put them in the wilderness, He has walked with them and sustained them in the wilderness.

Even when I am in a wilderness of my own making, or a wilderness of punishment, the Lord has not abandoned me. He led the Israelites daily. He sent manna and water and gave them shoes that never wore out. I have trouble seeing the mercy and tenderness of the Lord, but this verse makes it clearer to me. The Lord remained in the wilderness with the people. He didn't say "See ya in 40 years" and walk away. In fact, I wonder if there was a part of the experience that was special to God, because He had His people all to Himself.

I want to remember that, no matter how alone I feel, or how many times I have circled in the desert, the Lord is still with me, leading me and providing for me all the while.

Ethiopia Thoughts

2010-03-20T08:58:00.003-05:00

I'm back!! I plan on continuing to share thoughts from my quiet time, but also wanted to write about the things the Lord showed me in Africa, so there may be "Africa" posts mixed in with "quiet time" posts.

I think that travel helps me to broaden my image of God. Somehow I tend to imagine that the Lord is just working here in the USA, in the life of my church, my friends, me (just a wee bit of self-centeredness). Seeing Christians in other countries helps me realize that God is SO much bigger than I think that He is.

The first Compassion program that we visited was the Child Survival Program (CSP) in Holeta, a little village outside of Addis Ababa. The CSP is a program in which the poorest of the poor moms are linked in with a Child Development Center. They work with a health worker and a program implementer to have their needs met. These women are usually illiterate, frequently single moms, often destitute. They live in huts with mud or cow dung walls and mud floors. There is often no bed, no crib, no playpen, no toys, no inside kitchen or plumbing. Babies crawl on dirt floors. There are no diapers, no wipes, no sweet-smelling disinfectant. Imagine having a baby in such an environment.

The moms shared their testimonies with us. One mom talked about, how, pregnant with her third baby with no means to support herself or the two children she already had, she was going to commit suicide. She had it planned and was waiting for the opportunity. One night she had a dream in which she saw her baby laying on a Bible, and felt that God was telling her that He would take care of her baby. She didn't know what this meant, but she delayed her suicide plans to find out. A week or so later she was asked to be a part of the CSP, giving her food, medical care, emotional support, and literacy education.

The same God that speaks to me, and works in my church is sending dreams to illiterate, impoverished African women to show His love and care for her and her children. God is not oblivious to anyone's suffering. He is caring for "the least of these".

Appropriately, I read in Luke this morning about Jesus standing up in the temple and sharing these words from Isaiah 61:

¹The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
² to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor,

Therapy for Control-Freaks

2010-03-05T07:14:00.003-06:00

I am now reading in the book of Numbers (which has, amazingly, lots of lists of numbers of things). Today I was reading in chapter 9 about God appearing over the tabernacle in a cloud. As long as the cloud was over the tabernacle, the people camped. As soon as the cloud (signifying the presence of the Lord) left, the people packed up camp (no small feat with possibly 2 million people) and moved too. Sometimes the cloud stayed there for one day. Sometimes it stayed for several days. No rhyme. No reason--at least not one discernible to the people.

Okay, fellow control-freaks. Can you imagine? Never knowing day by day whether you would be staying in camp or packing up to move for. . . one day? Two days? To go. . . wherever God leads. No map. No itinerary. Not even a compass. Just keeping your eyes on the cloud and following where it leads:

At the command of the LORD they camped, and at the command of the LORD they set out. They kept the charge of the LORD, at the command of the LORD by Moses. (Numbers 9:23)

If I think too hard about it, I could have a panic attack--it would surely wrench the reins right out of my hands. On the other hand, imagine growing up with that model. A lifestyle of complete obedience to the Lord's leading, submitting the whole of your day to His direction. It would, at least, be clear direction--there was no doubt: Cloud above, stay. Cloud moved, go. Would that I sense the leading of the Lord so clearly and obey so completely.

P.S.: A really accessible picture of this phenomenon is in Francine Rivers' book: The Warrior, which is about Caleb.

P.P.S. There may not be many posts in the next two weeks, as I will be going to ETHIOPIA to meet my Compassion child!!

Trusting

2010-03-03T06:39:00.003-06:00

I haven't posted for a few days. Nothing in scripture has jumped out at me. I know there are things that the Lord is showing me that I need to keep pursuing, but those things haven't presented themselves in an easily bloggable form.

Days like these show me my kinship to the Israelites. It's only been three days, but my unfaithful and fearful heart can magnify those days until they become a Sign That God is Silent. It's hard to wait for any amount of time. Moses left for a few weeks and BAM, a golden calf. I don't hear from the Lord for three days and BAM, He's never speaking to me again.

I am thankful that the Lord knows that I am "but dust", and that He is patient with my fickle and fearful heart. I will keep seeking, and He will speak again. In the meantime, I want to keep a heart that is believing that His next move is right around the corner, instead of preparing for disappointment.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy?

2010-02-28T07:25:00.003-06:00

Today I read Psalm 44. It's a psalm from a people who are discouraged because they feel like God is ignoring them. It used to be that (Psalm 44:2):

you with your own hand drove out the nations,
but them you planted;
you afflicted the peoples,
but them you set free;

Now, though (Psalm 44:9-12):

But you have rejected us and disgraced us
and have not gone out with our armies.
You have made us turn back from the foe,
and those who hate us have gotten spoil.
You have made us like sheep for slaughter
and have scattered us among the nations.
You have sold your people for a trifle,
demanding no high price for them.

I appreciate the Psalms because of the writers' honesty. "Okay, Lord, we are supposed to be your chosen people, and long ago you helped us and saved us, and now you don't seem to be around to help us out, and we don't know why. We can't figure out what we have done. Why are you ignoring us?" The Psalms were songs that the people sang. I can't imagine singing a worship song today that says "Hey, God, you're ignoring us. What is going on with You? Where are you?" I wonder why we don't sing honest songs?

We've probably all felt that way--that there are times we hear God's voice clearly and times when it doesn't seem like He's listening. Times when He seems to be doing great things for everyone else but us even though we don't see any major unrepented sin in our lives. Yet all the songs are happy ones about who God is--which is true, and an encouragement to our hearts. Yet there are so many Psalms that talk about pain and hurt and feeling ignored by God that it must be a universal condition--and one that is not surprising or shocking to God.

I especially like the end of Psalm 44 (verses 23-26):

Awake! Why are you sleeping, O Lord?
Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever!
Why do you hide your face?
Why do you forget our affliction and oppression?
For our soul is bowed down to the dust;
our belly clings to the ground.
Rise up; come to our help!
Redeem us for the sake of your steadfast love!

The psalmist is crying out to God and asking for what he needs, appealing to God's character and past promises. I would so like to see a modern, honest worship song that mirrored this Psalm. Anyone?

Keep it Simple . . .

2010-02-25T07:07:00.003-06:00

As I continue to think about hardness of heart and how to overcome that, the disciples keep providing me with more examples. They were just so clueless. . . I read in Mark 8 today. Jesus, the disciples, seven loaves of bread and thousands of people. I think we've been here before? The disciples, "Oh, no, what shall we do? We don't have enough bread." Once again, Jesus multiples the bread and there are seven baskets left over. Back in the boat, the disciples only brought one loaf of bread (they definitely need a woman in that group) and start arguing about it. Peter, John, Andrew and crew have just seen Jesus restore speech and hearing to a deaf man. They've seen him give sight to the blind and raise the dead. Yet they still don't know who Jesus really is, even though it is right in front of them.

As I've pointed out before, I am very like the disciples. I think the key is that, even though they didn't understand lots (and lots and lots) of things, they stayed with Jesus. They kept following, they kept trying to obey, they kept listening and asking questions and bumbling along with Him until finally their eyes were opened to the truth. I can do that. I can pray. I can read the Bible. I can try to obey what I understand. I can keep seeking and keep asking. In the process, I will come to know Jesus more and more and my heart will become softer and softer. Yay!

In Good Company

2010-02-23T07:24:00.002-06:00

Guess what? The disciples had hardened hearts, too! I thought it was only Pharoah and the Pharisees, but, there it is, in black and white (Mark 6:51-52):
And he got into the boat with them, and the wind ceased. And they were utterly astounded, for they did not understand about the loaves, but their hearts were hardened.

The disciples had just seen Jesus feed five thousand people with five loaves and two fish. The very same day, they witnessed first-hand Jesus walking on water. WALKING ON WATER. But they still didn't know who He was. My first reaction is "Come ON, can't you see that this man is something more than human?" I have this reaction to the Israelites, too: "Can't you see that God just parted the sea and is giving you food from heaven? Why are you so quick to bail?"

Ahem, yes, well, I've seen God do amazing things, too, and seen Him provide, and seen Him work, and yet, almost every time I feel scared (like the disciples in the roiling sea and the Israelites wandering in the desert), I react with the very same disbelief.

However, it encourages me that the disciples were among those of us who have had hardened hearts, because look at the end of the story! Almost all of them (Judas excepted) became champions of the faith, willing to die for Jesus. If they could become so full of faith and devoted, it gives me hope that I could, too. It also convicts me of the necessity for praying for a soft heart, since I'm still not sure how much of a hard heart is under our control, and because, if the disciples were with Jesus every day and seeing His miracles up close and still didn't believe, then I need all the help I can get! Something to think about: What changed for the disciples, to transform their unbelief into faith? The resurrection and seeing Jesus alive after death? Seeing the power of the Holy Spirit? I'm going to keep my eyes open to try and see how their hearts were changed.

Would I have Come?

2010-02-21T07:31:00.002-06:00

Mark 5:21-43 tells of Jesus' healing of the woman with the issue of blood and Jairus' daughter. I'm still trying to figure out what it looks like to have faith. Today I wonder if it begins even earlier in the sequence than I imagined. Jairus' daughter is at the brink of death. He knows that Jesus, this man with a reputation for healing and miracles is in the area. What makes him go? Desperation? Knowing there was no other solution? Love for his daughter? I wonder how much of his "faith" was true belief that Jesus could do it versus hope that He would do it? And for the bleeding woman? What motivated her to make her way through the crowd (and anyone at any moment could have outed her and shouted "unclean") to merely touch Jesus?

Is the faith all in the believing, or is some of it in the seeking and going? Would I have gone? Would I have hoped/believed enough to try, or would I have let fear keep me home? Fear of embarrassment, rejection, not being good enough to receive the blessing. . . all those fears might have kept me away from Jesus. They keep me away now, and that is what I am trying to analyze and overcome. Jesus is not physically walking among us, but if we are believers, we have the power of the Holy Spirit (the power that raised Christ from the dead) in us. Jesus is still healing and saving today. How do we (how do I) overcome our fear and have the faith to go to Him and boldly ask for what we need?

Keep Going!

2010-02-19T07:23:00.005-06:00

I'm now reading in the book of Mark. I've also been reading in Luke, and, by golly, many of the stories are almost exactly the same! The juxtaposition of the books is re-emphasizing to me how important it is to keep reading through the Bible, over and over and over. Just in the past several months, after reading through the scriptures several times over several years, there are stories and ideas and principles that are finally coming together for me. It could just be that I am a really slow study, but the repetition has helped me make connections and understand more of what God is communicating to us through His Word.

Today I read Jesus' words in Mark 4:25:

For to the one who has, more will be given, and from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.

These words have bothered me for years. So, I have just read them, tried to search whatever helps I had in the particular Bible for that year, and then moved on. Yet, it would nag at me. The words seemed mean--for Jesus to take away things from us? Today I read the notes in my ESV Study Bible (and had just read this same passage in Luke last weekend), and, at last, I'm getting a glimmering of understanding. The idea seems to be that, when we accept God and His wisdom and ways, He will continue to lead us to more and more understanding. If we reject Him and rely solely on our own understanding, we will understand less and less. Aha!!

Now, this revelation is probably not even on my top ten list of light-bulb moments in scripture. But it reminded me that part of the key to growing in understanding is simply to keep reading, over and over again, and to keep seeking as I read, and that, when the time is right and my heart is ready and my eyes are opened, God will help me to understand. I don't like things I don't understand, so it's hard for me to keep going when the words don't make sense. However, I'm seeing, every so often, the payoff for doing that--of living in the cognitive dissonance and trusting that God will reveal truth in His time.

Hardening our Hearts

2010-02-17T07:27:00.002-06:00

I don't like the Pharisees. I especially don't like them because I think I would have been one of them. The beginning of Mark 3 tells about Jesus healing on the Sabbath. The whole theme of Jesus healing on the Sabbath and the Pharisees getting upset seems to recur throughout the gospels. This time it is a man with a withered hand, and Jesus asks the Pharisees point blank about the rules of the Sabbath (Mark 3:4b-5):

. . . "Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save life or to kill?" But they were silent. And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, "Stretch out your hand." He stretched it out, and his hand was restored.

The words I'm thinking about this morning are that Jesus was "grieved at their hardness of heart." Why were their hearts hard? Why does my heart become hard? What causes us to value rules and order over people's lives? I wonder if part of it is focus. If the Pharisees truly saw the man with the withered hand and understood how that affected his whole life, surely they would have compassion? If they saw the woman bent over for 18 years and realized the freedom she would gain from standing upright (Luke 18:10), would they begrudge her healing?

If, however, their focus is themselves and their need for order, control, and validation, then maybe they only saw the people in relation to themselves, and as a threat to their control and sense of righteousness? I'm still pondering this, because I don't want to be someone with a hard heart and someone without compassion, and I know that, without Jesus, I would be that Pharisee shaking their finger at the "rule-breakers."

I Can't Wait

2010-02-15T09:19:00.002-06:00

Ha. Ironic title considering the name of this blog.

Reading in Luke 21 today, and Jesus is talking about the end times. I'm reminded again that when Jesus comes back, we will all know it. Once more, however, there's a verse that I have (I'm sure) never read before (Luke 21:27-28):

And then they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. Now when these things begin to take place, straighten up and raise your heads, because your redemption is drawing near."

"Straighten up and raise your heads, because your redemption is near." Wow. I'm generally not someone who is into visual images, but this one resonates with me. Maybe because I'm such a Lord of the Rings nerd and have a pre-made image (complete with soundtrack) to picture in my head. Near the end of the third movie, when Gandalf and Aragorn and the warriors are taking their last stand against Sauron's evil minions, there is a moment when the eagles come and then everyone stops, looks up, and waits for SOMETHING to happen. It's the moment when the ring has been thrown at last into the lake of fire and destroyed, ending the power of that evil in Middle Earth. The battle stops, the evil tower falls, and the good guys win.

What will it really be like when Jesus returns? I can imagine people in countries like Haiti and Ethiopia who are literally bent over working or hauling water straightening up, dropping their utensils, and rejoicing. Martyrs unjustly imprisoned lifting their eyes up to the sky. Those of us in our hamster wheels removing our eyes from our laptops and tuning in to reality.

Someday our Savior will return, and we will, with joy and thanksgiving, straighten up and raise our heads.

What He Says, Goes!

2010-02-14T07:29:00.003-06:00

I'm reading in Exodus right now about the building of the tabernacle, which is one reason for my lack of posting lately. I'm also in Matthew, though, at the end, with Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection. Last year when I was going through the gospels, I saw for the first time that Jesus had foretold His death and resurrection. Jesus' telling of the disciples that He was going to die and then rise again is jumping out at me this time around, too.

In Matthew Jesus tells the disciples at least three times what is going to happen (Matthew 20:17-19):

And as Jesus was going up to Jerusalem, he took the twelve disciples aside, and on the way he said to them, "See, we are going up to Jerusalem. And the Son of Man will be delivered over to the chief priests and scribes, and they will condemn him to death and deliver him over to the Gentiles to be mocked and flogged and crucified, and he will be raised on the third day."

Jesus has told them what will happen, more than once. Yet, when He is taken away and crucified and dead, do the disciples show any indication that they believed Him at all? Nope. They are huddled in the upper room, fearful and grieving. Then the women go to the tomb (Matthew 28:5-7):

But the angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead, and behold, he is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him. See, I have told you."

He has risen, AS HE SAID. How many promises of God do I either not really believe, or, even more soberingly, don't even hear or understand the first (or second, or third) time around? God seems to be hammering away at me that faith is to believe what God says He will do. I shouldn't be so surprised when prayers are answered or God's presence is seen or when He uses me or works in your life. He says He will do all of those things. I am so thankful that the Lord can and does work in spite of my unbelief--He rose whether the disciples believed Him or not--but I also want to see God do more than I "ask or imagine" as I expectantly wait with faith.

Standing on the Promises

2010-02-11T07:09:00.005-06:00

Don't you love it when something that you have heard one thousand six hundred and three times suddenly makes sense to you? I was reading in Exodus today, about the Israelites making the golden calf as an idol while Moses is gone up on Mount Sinai to meet with God. Moses comes down and sees this spectacle(having been told what had happened by God). Moses is mad, but the Lord is madder (Exodus 32:7-10):

And the LORD said to Moses, "Go down, for your people, whom you brought up out of the land of Egypt, have corrupted themselves. They have turned aside quickly out of the way that I commanded them. They have made for themselves a golden calf and have worshiped it and sacrificed to it and said, 'These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt!'" And the LORD said to Moses, "I have seen this people, and behold, it is a stiff-necked people. Now therefore let me alone, that my wrath may burn hot against them and I may consume them, in order that I may make a great nation of you."

Moses must intercede for the people. He actually fasts and prays another 40 days of behalf of the Israelites.

My "aha" moment today was reading that Moses appealed to the Lord on the basis of the Lord's prior promise to Abraham (Exodus 32:11-14):

But Moses implored the LORD his God and said, "O LORD, why does your wrath burn hot against your people, whom you have brought out of the land of Egypt with great power and with a mighty hand? Why should the Egyptians say, 'With evil intent did he bring them out, to kill them in the mountains and to consume them from the face of the earth'? Turn from your burning anger and relent from this disaster against your people. Remember Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, your servants, to whom you swore by your own self, and said to them, 'I will multiply your offspring as the stars of heaven, and all this land that I have promised I will give to your offspring, and they shall inherit it forever.'" And the LORD relented from the disaster that he had spoken of bringing on his people.

God's promises are the basis for the faith and trust that we have in the Lord. I have heard lots of messages about God's promises, but not until today have I gotten a glimpse of their true importance. God, in a sense, is bound by His own promises. He is very angry at the people, and yet must remain true to His promise and His character. Moses comes to Him saying, "Remember your promises? We are your people. You said you would be with us forever."

I need to pray in a similar way, believing that if the Lord said He would be with me, then, He will be with me. If He promised to provide, He will provide. His promises are true and can be trusted, and I need to set my heart, mind, and strength upon them!

Another Puzzle Piece

2010-02-09T10:07:00.004-06:00

Yesterday's post was about faith. Today, as I was reading in Luke 18, God showed me some more pieces to that puzzle. The chapter starts with the story of the persistent widow, who keeps bugging a judge to give her justice. The unrighteous judge eventually gives the woman justice, and Jesus compares God to the judge to show us how much more God wants to give us justice. The account begins with this verse (Luke 18:1):

And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart.

and ends with this question (Luke 18:8):

". . .Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?"

Once again, my trusty ESV Study Bible footnotes give me some insight. For verse eight, it points out that we need to exercise watchfulness and prayer to demonstrate our faith. When I was praying and thinking about these verses, I looked back at the first verse of chapter eighteen, where Jesus says that we need to not "lose heart."

So, if I want to live out faith, I need to pray, to watch, and to not lose heart. Praying seems straightforward--I should bring my requests to the Lord and ask for both what I need and want. This parable specifically refers to seeing God's justice done, so I want to be careful in how much I extrapolate. I need to watch. What does that mean? I think to be looking for evidence of the Lord working, acknowledging that, and thanking Him for it. I need to wait expectantly and be eager to see what the Lord is doing.

Finally, we are to "not lose heart". This part of the exhortation is the tricky one for me. To not lose heart implies that my heart has been fully engaged in the process. Too often, I think I pray and I watch, but I don't really believe in my heart that God is going to do it. It's doubly tricky for me to differentiate between promises that God has given, and desires of my heart. In this parable, the widow is praying for justice. God wants justice, and promises that, eventually, He will bring justice to the earth. Praying in accordance to His will should make it easier for my heart to believe. When I pray for God's provision or presence, I need to believe with my whole heart, because He has already promised these things.

However, what about believing in something that is not promised but is a desire? I still am not sure what the Lord wants from us in that situation. How do we take heart if it's something that is good (like marriage, children, healing) but that we don't know if God is promising? I will keep searching for the rest of the pieces of the puzzle. . . Please share your pieces with me if you have some that will help complete the picture!

Faithless?

2010-02-08T08:31:00.003-06:00

Sometimes Jesus says things that I just don't like. Anyone else? Words that sound harsh and mean to me. I was reading in the gospels about the time when the disciples tried to heal the boy with seizures (Matthew 17:14, Mark 9:14, Luke 9:37), but they can't, so the father goes to Jesus. It's Jesus' answer that makes me cringe:

And Jesus answered, "O faithless and twisted generation, how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you? Bring him here to me." (Matthew 17:17)

And he answered them, "O faithless generation, how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you? Bring him to me." (Mark 9:19)

Jesus answered, "O faithless and twisted generation, how long am I to be with you and bear with you? Bring your son here." (Luke 9:41)

Those words feel like a rebuke to me and sound to me like Jesus is frustrated with the disciples and all of us. A footnote in my study Bible is helping me to figure out what to do with these words. The note on Mark 9:19 in my Bible says this:

The fundamental problem of the people (the opponents, the spiritually oppressed, and even the disciples) is that they are faithless. Jesus' burdened expression echoes that of the prophets (E.g. Deut. 32:5,20; Isa. 6:11, Jer 5:21-22).

I just looked up the Old Testament references, and they are mostly the Lord talking about the people's lack of belief that He will do what He promises.

I think it IS a rebuke to the disciples and to me for our lack of belief in God's power and faithfulness. Looking at my own life, I know that my faith is weak. I'm reading in scripture about God parting the Red Sea and sending manna from heaven, and yet I don't believe that God can save people who are lost, or that He will provide for me.

This morning I was thinking how frustrated that I get sometimes with my first graders when they won't even try to read a book that I know they can read. I wonder if that is some of how Jesus felt, or what God feels (does God get frustrated? He sure sounds frustrated a lot in the Old Testament with those fickle Israelites) when we have access to what we need (a relationship with the God of the universe), but we stumble and refuse to even try.

That begs the question--why? Why do my kids not try to read when they can? Fear of messing up? Nervousness that I am watching? Honestly lacking confidence that they can?

What do I not have faith? Fear of being disappointed--because God doesn't always heal people or do a miracle? Nervousness that I will look stupid for believing? Lacking that confidence that God will do it?

I still don't know the balance of common sense and faith. Does common sense even enter into it? Yet I can see in the gospels that miracles were done when people displayed faith, and I can hear in Jesus' words that I need to risk faith much more often than I do.

The comforting part of the story is Jesus' request that they bring the boy to Him. Jesus heals the child anyway--in response to the father's faith and:

"And all were astonished at the majesty of God." (Luke 9:43)

No Doubt

2010-02-05T07:16:00.002-06:00

I was hoping for a snow day today. The weather people promised me snow overnight. Yet no early-morning call to cancel school, and no snow. Technology advances every day, but still no foolproof method of weather prediction exists.

In Matthew 24, Jesus speaks about prophecies and signs of the end times. Much of it is difficult to understand and refers to the destruction of the temple that was in the near future for the disciples. When I read passages like this, I may be tempted to try to figure out when the "snowstorm" will come. Is it now? Are we in the end times? What does this mean?

I hoped for a snow day, but I prepared for a school day, since I know, as all of us do, that the best predictions of man fail.

Jesus' predictions will not fail, but I may not understand all of them. However, Jesus' words in the last part of Matthew 24 (verses 24-28) reassure me and give me confidence that, though I may not understand the end times prophecies, I will be unable to miss the return of Jesus:

For false christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders, so as to lead astray, if possible, even the elect. See, I have told you beforehand. So, if they say to you, 'Look, he is in the wilderness,' do not go out. If they say, 'Look, he is in the inner rooms,' do not believe it. For as the lightning comes from the east and shines as far as the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. Wherever the corpse is, there the vultures will gather.

There will be no second guessing when Jesus returns. No uncertainty, no doubting myself or the Lord. He will be visible to all, and the time for speculation will be over. I'm thankful that the Lord was so clear about the most important part of the end times--Jesus is coming back and and the whole world will see Him and, if they know Him now, rejoice and marvel.

Sought After

2010-02-03T07:23:00.003-06:00

After I finished reading today, I thought, "Okay, I got nothing today." Then I spent some time praying. Sometimes on those kind of days, I try and think back over what I read and ask the Lord what He wants me to see. In both the Old Testament and New Testament today, what I saw was the theme of the Lord seeking after us. The Israelites and Moses are continuing in their desert journey, and God condescends to meet with Moses on Mount Sinai. He comes down to where Moses is. In Matthew, Jesus is preaching to the crowds. He is calling the sinners to repentance and trying to get the Pharisees to turn as well.

None of these people that God is seeking after are really too impressive. Even Moses was too chicken to speak for himself at first. The Israelites can't go one day without grumbling, the sinners are living lives of, well, sin, and the Pharisees don't even realize how lost they are. Yet God came down to pursue all of them simply because He wanted them to be His people. Wow.

Even more amazing? He still pursues each of us, every day, wanting us to come to Him and spend time with Him and grow closer to Him. Wow again!

To Glorify God

2010-02-02T07:23:00.003-06:00

The verse I'm thinking about today did not come from my regular reading, but from the Faithwalkers devotional for today, by Daniel Goering (Great Commission pastor in Germany). For the past few days, Daniel had been writing about how, since Jesus is no longer a physical presence on the earth, WE are the light of God in the world. Today, the verse he focused on was Matthew 5:16:

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Daniel pointed out that if we live a life full of selfless good works, but don't communicate why we are doing them, or where our motivation and power come from, then we won't be glorifying God, but ourselves. Yikes. As I get ready to go on this trip to Ethiopia with Compassion International, people say to me "Wow, that's so good of you." I don't know how to respond to that, exactly, because the Bible says that any good thing in me is from Jesus, but how do I share that in a way that doesn't sound completely self-righteous?

In reading the Old Testament, God over and over again states that He will not share His glory with anyone. I don't want to inadvertently "steal" any little part of God's glory, and I do want to be faithful to communicate that it's God in me that motivates any service or good work.

I am definitely going to be thinking about how to do both parts of the verse--the good works and the glorifying of the Lord. It will also be my new memory verse. Any ideas on how to practically communicate in this situation?

What was Their Problem?

2010-02-01T07:23:00.003-06:00

Still reading Exodus: Moses has just led the Israelites through the Red Sea and the Egyptian army has been destroyed by the Lord. He has delivered the Israelites miraculously out of the hands of Pharaoh. From that day on, the people trust God and believe Him, never complaining, but confidently trusting in His provision. What? That's not the story? Oh, yeah. Not three days later (Exodus 15: 22-24):

Then Moses made Israel set out from the Red Sea, and they went into the wilderness of Shur. They went three days in the wilderness and found no water. When they came to Marah, they could not drink the water of Marah because it was bitter; therefore it was named Marah. And the people grumbled against Moses, saying, "What shall we drink?"

Three days ago God struck down every first born of the Egyptians, parted the Red Sea so they could walk through it, and destroyed their enemies. Today the people have no water and they instantly start complaining. What was their problem?

The footnote in my study Bible says this: "They [Israelites] do not yet trust that the Lord's presence with them is sufficient for their protection and
provision. . . " (p. 170, ESV Study Bible).

Grumbling and complaining is probably my biggest struggle, and I often wonder why. What is underneath that? I have seen the Lord change the lives of others. I have seen Him work in my life. I have seen Him answer prayers and do great things. Yet if I'm too cold or too hot or hungry or inconvenienced. . . what is my problem? Is it that I don't trust that the Lord's presence is sufficient for my protection and provision? I will keep praying about this and seeking both understanding and the discipline simply to not complain--and I would appreciate any prayers from any of you that are reading, too, because, if you know the rest of the story. . . it wasn't pretty for the people of Israel. There were big consequences for their lack of trust.

Open Our Eyes

2010-01-31T07:33:00.002-06:00

Nearing the end of the book of Matthew, Jesus is heading to Jerusalem for the Passover before His crucifixion. On the way, He meets two blind beggars (Matthew 20:30-34):

And behold, there were two blind men sitting by the roadside, and when they heard that Jesus was passing by, they cried out, "Lord, have mercy on us, Son of David!" The crowd rebuked them, telling them to be silent, but they cried out all the more, "Lord, have mercy on us, Son of David!" And stopping, Jesus called them and said, "What do you want me to do for you?" They said to him, "Lord, let our eyes be opened." And Jesus in pity touched their eyes, and immediately they recovered their sight and followed him.

I've always liked this account because I like how the beggars cry out "all the more" after the crowd rebuked them. I've always envied their persistence and their faith that, if Jesus would just hear them, He would heal them.

Today I noticed the sequence of events: The beggars called out to the Lord, asking for their eyes to be opened. Jesus touched their eyes, they recovered their sight, and they followed Him.

It's a lot like the sequence of salvation: We cry out to God for Him to show us Himself. He opens our eyes and hearts to see and believe who He is, and our response should be to follow Him.

Extending the analogy further, even as we are following Christ, there are times when our eyes are shut (or we think they are) and we can't see the next step, or can't understand what God is doing in our life. I think we need to be like the beggars, calling out to the Lord to have mercy on us and to open our eyes to what He is doing. It may not (probably won't) happen right away--who knows how long the beggars had sat by that side of the road, waiting for the Messiah, but Jesus will, in His time, come and open our eyes.

The analogy breaks down a bit in the fact that we need to follow Jesus sometimes even when we can't see where we are going. We need to have faith in who He has already shown Himself to be to us and keep walking, trusting that He will open our eyes to what He wants us to see when the time is right.

Would that I would to be as persistent and shameless as those beggars in seeking the healing of Jesus.

Needing the Gospel Everyday

2010-01-29T07:23:00.002-06:00

Friday mornings are a little less rushed for me because I don't exercise on Fridays, so I actually made the time to pray this morning. Sometimes I run out of time for that in the morning, and I have been missing that time with the Lord.

Today's time with Him was a day when I was reminded (and this thought is certainly not original to me) that I need the gospel everyday. There is not a day that passes that I don't sin. Sometimes I start to think more highly of myself that I ought, thinking that I'm getting a handle on some things, or that I'm understanding the Bible better. . . However, my sin, life, and even the Lord Himself have a way of reminding me that, underneath any apparent successes or improvements, I'm still the same sinful creature that is desperate for the grace of God.

Not a Bible verse today, but I was reminded of the line that John Newton says in the movie "Amazing Grace": "I remember two things clearly: I am a great sinner and Christ is a great savior."

What Do We Want? Deliverance! When Do We Want It? Now!

2010-01-28T07:04:00.004-06:00

Continuing in Exodus. Moses and Aaron have just spoken to the enslaved Israelites and told them how the Lord has remembered them and is going to deliver them. Everyone's excited--the people believed and worshiped the Lord (end of Chapter 4). Moses & Aaron head to the Pharaoh to demand that he let the people go. Nope. Pharaoh instead burdens the people with higher and higher requirements on them--no straw to make the bricks, but no lessening of the daily quota.

Reaction of the people (Exodus 5:20-21):

They met Moses and Aaron, who were waiting for them, as they came out from Pharaoh; and they said to them, "The LORD look on you and judge, because you have made us stink in the sight of Pharaoh and his servants, and have put a sword in their hand to kill us."

"Deliverance? Yeah, right. Now it's worse than ever. Time passed since the worship and belief? Doesn't sound like very long in the text--the next day? A few days later?

Moses' response to the Lord (Exodus 5:22-23):

Then Moses turned to the LORD and said, "O Lord, why have you done evil to this people? Why did you ever send me? For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has done evil to this people, and you have not delivered your people at all."

Sometimes we think that we are the only generation to be so impatient--and no doubt e-mail, instant-messaging, and cell phones have contributed to our tendency for instant gratification. However, this story shows me that the desire to have what we want NOW is inherent in being human.

The Israelites wanted a good thing. The Lord had promised them deliverance. Yet, it was not a quick or easy deliverance. If someone knows the time span of all 10 plagues, please let me know. The first one lasted a week, and then there were 9 more. Pharah said "Yes", then "No", and then the whole cycle started again. Even when the Israelites were let go, then they were pursued by the Egyptians. Even after the Egyptian army was destroyed, they had to travel in the desert. They had to fight battles. Then they complained, disobeyed, and denied the goodness of God, and added 40 years to the experience. Were they delivered? Yes. Was it quick? No.

The verse that jumped out at me most was Moses saying to the Lord that He had not delivered His people at all. Moses immediately decided that God had not done what God had promised. So often I don't give God time to work--I pray, and then, if the request is not granted in 24 hours or less, well, then God didn't do it. We are so impatient to want answers yesterday.

On the surface the premise can be discouraging--yes, God sometimes gives specific promises to deliver us from our circumstances. Does He do this quickly? Sometimes. But there are many examples in the Bible of long-term trials: The Israelites in the desert. Joseph in prison. Job. We know the ending of those stories--that deliverance arrives. I need to have faith in my circumstances that deliverance (one way or another) will come, but it's just not here yet!

Will We Turn Aside to See?

2010-01-26T07:25:00.002-06:00

Today's portion in Exodus chronicled Moses being called by the Lord. These verses were what I noticed today, from Exodus 3:2-4:

And the angel of the LORD appeared to him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush. He looked, and behold, the bush was burning, yet it was not consumed. And Moses said, "I will turn aside to see this great sight, why the bush is not burned." When the LORD saw that he turned aside to see, God called to him out of the bush, "Moses, Moses!" And he said, "Here I am."

Moses noticed the bush, and then decided to "turn aside" to really explore what was happening. He could have just moved on--a job to do, sheep to lead--but he didn't. His attention was caught by something unusual, something not of this world, and he stopped to investigate. Then I like that the verses say that the Lord saw that Moses turned aside, and then God called to him. The sequence wasn't that God called and then Moses looked, but that Moses turned to look at what God was already doing, and then heard the voice of the Lord.

I need to do this as well--to be alert to where God is working. I need to stop and look when something "not-of-this-world" is happening, and then listen and look for God. Sometimes I am so busy listening for the loud "Hey, Edna, over here!" that I probably miss the opportunities to see what God is already doing, and to hear how He wants me to join Him. May we all not miss the "burning bushes" in our midst!

Many are the Plans. . .

2010-01-25T07:22:00.002-06:00

. . . in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails (Proverbs 19:21).

I have been thinking about this verse as I read the stories in Genesis and Exodus. One of my favorite stories in the Bible is the story of Joseph, because of how clearly it shows the sovereignty of God and how it encourages me to never give up. Joseph was sold by his brothers into slavery, then falsely accused of rape and put in prison for about two years, and then promised to be remembered to the Pharaoh by a fellow prisoner who was set free, then forgotten, and then finally God orchestrates matters to liberate him. His brothers come back 20 years later, begging for food; Joseph reveals himself to them and they are overcome with guilt and fear. Joseph's reply in Genesis 45:5 and 7 (NIV):

And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. . .But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.

And, more well known, in Genesis 50: 19-20, Joseph reassures his brothers after their father, Jacob, dies:

But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."

God was in control all along, and had a purpose and a plan.

Today I read in Exodus 1 and 2 about the birth of Moses, and, again, God is at work. The Pharaoh has declared that all Hebrew male babies be destroyed, because he is afraid that boys grow into men who turn into soldiers to defeat their oppressors. Pharaoh is apparently not worried about the women. Yet, it is the Hebrew midwives who fear the Lord and disobey Pharaoh that help save Moses (and others). It is Moses' mother who hides him for three months, his sister who carries him to the river and then boldly secures for his mother the job of wet nurse, and Pharaoh's daughter who rescues Moses from the river. Women are central to the rescue and preservation of Moses' life. Again, God is working in the details.

These stories are what strengthen my faith when I or my loved ones are the ones who are in the prison for no reason, or who are facing unfair persecution or circumstances. God is indeed working all things together for good (Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.).

Just Go Away

2010-01-22T08:35:00.003-06:00

Here in sunny Houston, reading in Matthew 14 about Jesus feeding the five thousand. I have read this story probably 400 times in my life, and yet, once again, there is a "new" verse included in the narrative. Jesus had gone away to be alone, but the crowds followed Him. He has pity on them and spends the day healing them, but evening is coming. The disciples reason that it's getting late and there's no 7-11 around the corner to grab some nachos, so they decide that Jesus needs to tell the crowd to go home. After all, no one invited them to this place, so they are under no obligation to take care of the people, right? The disciples tell Jesus to send the crowds away. Jesus says, in verse 16:

"They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat."

Um. . . what? Why do we have to give them something to eat? Not my job. Not my problem. These thoughts would be going through my head (and probably coming out my mouth). There are times when people come to my church family and they have needs. Like the disciples, I can look and think "Not my job." That attitude is not a Christlike one and obviously not the way Jesus wants me to view other people.

Then comes the simple idea that "I can't." I can't feed 5000 people. Myself and all the rest of the disciples can't feed 5000 people. Just what are you asking, Jesus? My home group is reading Max Lucado's book "Fearless", and he also talks about this story, reminding us that the disciples didn't have just five loaves and two fish. They had five loaves, two fish, and JESUS.

I have been thinking about that a lot since I read it. So often I look at the needy people around me and, sometimes, in my darkest heart and worst day, wish they would just go away. I feel inadequate to meet their needs and like I won't be able to do it. I have forgotten that it is Jesus that is telling me that they don't need to go away; I need to give them something to eat (not because I necessarily want to, but because He has compassion on them). I have forgotten that I don't have to conjure up food, only to use what I have been given and bring it to Jesus.

Really?

2010-01-21T07:25:00.002-06:00

Along with the convicting verses, there are verses in the Bible that just seem impossible to believe. Psalm 18 is a Psalm of David, celebrating God's faithfulness to him and to Israel. Verse 19 says:

He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me.

Really? Just because He delighted in David? Does the Lord rescue me just because He delights in me? Did He come to save us because He delights in us? I think that's definitely a huge part of it. Throughout scripture, the Lord wins victories for Israel and saves them to prove His glory and uphold His reputation. The mighty God defeating a huge army with a tiny troop is a glorious thing for all to see.

Salvation is actually a far more glorious thing, but I don't think the world views it in the same way as God parting the Red Sea or making the sun stand still. If all the Lord wanted was to show His glory, it seems that dying on a cross was a roundabout way of doing that. God chose to send Jesus to die for me, for you, because He delights in us:

Hebrews 12:2:
. . . looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

We were the joy set before Him. Really? My brain can't quite grasp that. It's my hope that as I see God, He will continue to help me to understand that and live my life accordingly (and you, too).

It's in There

2010-01-20T07:20:00.002-06:00

One of the things that I like about reading the Bible is when God reveals both the depth of His Word and the depth of my pride by showing me a verse that I would swear to you was not in that chapter the last time I read it. As if I could remember every verse in the book!

Today's surprise was in Matthew 13:51-52, when Jesus is speaking to the disciples after explaining several parables to them:

"Have you understood all these things?" They said to him, "Yes." And he said to them, "Therefore every scribe who has been trained for the kingdom of heaven is like a master of a house, who brings out of his treasure what is new and what is old."

Never have I noticed the last part of the verse, about bringing out "what is new and what is old", which the notes in my Bible explain as understanding how the new teachings of Jesus fit with the Old Testament teachings. As judging from my last post, I would be grateful for the ability to synthesize the Old Testament with the New Testament. What did the disciples to do earn the compliment? They came and asked Jesus to explain the parables to them. . . Ah. . .

Trying to Figure it Out

2010-01-18T08:50:00.002-06:00

Due to various circumstances, I find myself thinking about Psalm 37:25, and its implications:

I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread.

The author of the Psalm is David. My dilemma is this: Does the Lord promise to meet the physical needs of every believer?

Interpreting Psalms is a bit tricky, because the psalms are meant to be poetry, and, as such, have to be read that way, because they use imagery and metaphor and hyperbole. The footnote in my Bible about this verse also remarks that it is made specifically about the people of Israel, who were living in community as God's chosen people.

The events in Haiti are contributing to my wrestling with this concept. Thousands of people are hungry in Haiti right now. Surely some of them are Christians? Tens of thousands of children starve to death every DAY. Surely some of them have Christian parents? Does the promise apply only to Israel?

What about the New Testament? Jesus tells us to ask for our daily bread. He says to seek first the righteousness of God and the "rest" will be added:

Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:31-33)

Does this apply only in the context of living in Christian community? Because if we are living in a community of believers, then we should be providing for the needs of those in our midst. What defines community? Am I not a part of the community of the believers in Kenya? Is this a promise to be realized fully when there is a new heaven and a new earth, because, for now, satan (the little "s" is the middle finger of grammar, for all you fellow John Acuff fans) has some power in the earth?

Or, are followers of Jesus taken care of and I just don't know or believe it--or at least I don't believe the true extent of it?

I would really like some input from anyone out there reading this who has struggled with the same questions.

I fully believe that Jesus wins in the end, and that our spiritual needs are met, and that He will make it all right in the next world. But how do some of those promises apply right now, today?

Sorry, more questions than answers today!

Call a Spade a Spade

2010-01-17T07:22:00.003-06:00

The Bible contains lots and lots of verses about loving our enemies, overlooking an offense, and forgiving. However, I think sometimes that Christians can take this to the extreme. By this statement I don't mean that we take the actions of loving, overlooking, or forgiving to an extreme, but that, in the process, we stop calling what is sin "sin," or evil "evil."

Proverbs 17:15:
He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous are both alike an abomination to the LORD.

People do wicked things. I do wicked things. We lie, we gossip, we cheat, we seek our own interests. All of those actions are sin. It doesn't help me for you to justify me in my sin. I think the loving, overlooking, and forgiving are so difficult because, to truly do them, we have to acknowledge that we are loving sinful people. We are overlooking wrong. We are forgiving wickedness.

The truth and miracle of the gospel is that Jesus died for wicked sinners--and that is me and that is you. The grace we are given is unmerited, unearned, unfathomable. I think we dull this reality for ourselves and others when we minimize the sin and evil in the world.

Romans 5:7-8:
For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

"Squirrel!" Saturday

2010-01-16T11:46:00.002-06:00

Like the dogs in the Pixar movie "Up", I'm having a very distracting Saturday morning. I have a to-do list a mile long, but they are all little things. Problem is, every time I sat down to pray, then I think of just one of those little things I needed to do. I did finally manage to park myself on the sofa, thank goodness!

I'm still reading in Genesis, and I'm at the part where Jacob is setting out on his own with his entourage of 2 wives, many children, and lots and lots of livestock. As he heads out, he runs into Esau, the brother whom he had deceived and who had declared that he would kill Jacob.

Jacob sends forth gifts to appease Esau and ease the way.

The verse that I really liked this morning contained the words Jacob says to Esau when Esau tries to refuse the gifts Jacob is offering (Genesis 33:11):

Please accept my blessing that is brought to you, because God has dealt graciously with me, and because I have enough." Thus he urged him, and he took it.

To recognize that God has dealt graciously with us, and that most of us have enough physically is a large part of being grateful. I think I was struck by the verse because one of the key concepts that Wess Stafford, the president of Compassion International, talks about is that the opposite of "poverty" is not "wealth", it is "enough".

In light of the earthquake in Haiti and the heartbreaking situation there, it makes it even easier to see that most of us are incredibly blessed in the area of material things, and that it is a privilege to offer a blessing to others out of our wealth.

No Wiggle Room

2010-01-15T07:18:00.003-06:00

Reading in Matthew 10 today, and having a hard time staying focused (the Friday morning "I'm just so tired" feeling). I was struck by these verses, spoken by Jesus (Matthew 10:34-39):

"Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

Many people seem to want to classify Jesus as a good teacher or wise man. Most of us have probably read of heard of C.S. Lewis' reasonings about how Jesus is either a liar, a lunatic, or the Lord, and that there is no room for anything else. In fact, that supposition was one of the factors in my accepting the truth of Jesus. These verses also leave little wiggle room--what would be the perception of a teacher who told his students to love nothing better than him and to give up their lives to follow him? The only legitimacy to these commands are the truth of Jesus as Lord, and the miracle of Christ's resurrection.

P.S.:
"Ouch" verse of the day:

Proverbs 15:28
The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.

All these speech verse could be why Proverbs is not on my top ten books of the Bible. I'm a little scattered this morning--sorry!

Praying or Blaming

2010-01-14T07:08:00.002-06:00

Continuing in Genesis, Isaac's son Jacob is now married to both Leah and Rachel. Leah has been given four sons, but Rachel is barren. Genesis 30:1-2:

When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she envied her sister. She said to Jacob, "Give me children, or I shall die!" Jacob’s anger was kindled against Rachel, and he said, "Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?"

What was interesting to me was in the study notes of my Bible. It pointed out that Jacob's mother Rebekah had also been barren, but that her husband Isaac had prayed for her:

And Isaac prayed to the LORD for his wife, because she was barren. And the LORD granted his prayer, and Rebekah his wife conceived. (Genesis 25:21)

The whole area of infertility is one fraught with heartache and pain, and I don't want to specifically even discuss the verses as it has to do with God granting or not granting children, but as it has to do with how we react to hard things.

What I noticed was the dynamic between Jacob and Rachel. First, she comes in pretty dramatically, blaming Jacob for her lack of children. Aside from the obvious, Jacob has no more control over conception than does Rachel. He reacts to her with anger and then takes his turn in blame by casting it onto God.

The contrast with what Isaac did in a similar situation was interesting. We don't know if Rebekah came to Isaac upset about not having children--I would assume she did at some point, but it isn't stated in scripture. What scripture shows us is Isaac praying for Rebekah, possibly before she even asks.

The broader application is that, so often when someone blames us for a situation, we react with anger and blame someone/something else in return, which accomplishes nothing. A better choice would be to pray about the problem, taking it to the Lord rather than reacting angrily and with accusations.

My personal application is that I can tend to feel that I need to fix whatever is wrong in a situation. If someone comes to me implying that whatever is wrong is my fault, that whips my control-freak self into a frenzy of activity characterized by bad attitude, some anger, and the tendency to blame. What I need to do is take a deep breath, pray, and then listen to the Lord.

Which is pretty much what we need to do every day, in every situation, always!