Whispers

Oops. Once again a long blog silence. Sorry! It's been that kind of. . . couple of months? Christianity, or at least my journey of knowing Christ, seems to be kind of like that: Periods of closeness to the Lord mixed in with seasons of feeling far away and wondering when I will hear His voice clearly again. I'm thankful at least to recognize this so that I'm no longer panicked when it happens, though it can be discouraging.

I heard a whisper this week. I'm reading Daniel (right in the middle of the end-of-the-year slog through the prophets) and was struck by how far I need to come to approach his level of righteousness. Daniel is in Babylon, and Darius is now king. He likes Daniel a lot and puts him in charge of significant things. The other leaders don't much care for this, so they try to find fault with Daniel. Chapter six (verses four and five) states that:

Then the presidents and the satraps sought to find a ground for complaint against Daniel with regard to the kingdom, but they could find no ground for complaint or any fault, because he was faithful, and no error or fault was found in him. Then these men said, "We shall not find any ground for complaint against this Daniel unless we find it in connection with the law of his God."

Ouch. Why? Because I instantly compare myself and my life to Daniel and know (not just wonder) that those words could not be said of me. Just today I was insensitive and somewhat rude to a co-worker. Many times a day I'm not as patient or kind to my students as I should be. If someone wanted to come and "find a complaint" against me, they would have ample examples.

Two opposite convictions come from these verses: First, I am reprimanded that I need to be conscious always of my speech and actions and not settle for letting my irritation and emotion rule my words and choices. Secondly, I am reminded, again, of my need for Jesus to save me from my sin. None of us, no matter the good deeds we have done, can ever save ourselves and make ourselves holy. Only Jesus' sacrifice on the cross and my reliance on it achieves that goal. I need to remember that I need the Gospel everyday, and I need to thank God for His grace in providing a way for me to know Him. Apparently the "whisper" was a little louder than I thought.

All I Need is a Miracle

Yikes! Over a month since my last post! Thankfully not an indication of whether God is at work in my life. . . Just an indication of school being in full swing and life getting a little bit crazy.

I've been thinking a little bit about miracles lately. I was talking to a friend about how I would, just once, like to see a "real" miracle. "Real" being defined as: earth-shattering, mind-boggling, Red Sea-parting, Lazarus rising-from-the-dead OFFICIAL miracle. Because. . . wouldn't that grow my faith? Wouldn't that inspire my passion? Wouldn't that increase my belief? Wouldn't it??

Since the Lord often delights in creating relationships between people who approach ideas from opposite sides of the fence, my friend was not buying into my premise. "I don't think you're thinking this through (knowing me, probably not)," he said. "Oh, don't THINK so hard, just imagine how cool it would be to see a REAL miracle. The Israelites got to see LOTS of miracles (not that it helped their faith all that much). I just want to see one," I said. "Do you really want to be in the position of the Israelites? They weren't out for a walk. The Egyptian soldiers were going to kill them if they didn't cross the Red Sea. The other side was just desert." Oh. Yeah. True enough. And that manna that fell from heaven. . . they had nothing else to eat. The alternative was starvation. And the day the sun stopped, well, slaughter was the other choice. Hmm.

Drat. Why is there always someone wise to make me think? Most of the miracles that leap to my mind from the Bible are a result of God acting when there was no alternative. All avenues and choices were exhausted. Then and only then God moved.

DO I really want to be in that place? The place in the battle of lacking any victory except for the Lord working? The spot at the feet of the crowd reaching for the hem of Jesus' garment to be healed? The seat outside the tomb when someone I love is dead? No doubt I will be brought to those places one way or another sooner than I wish, and I will see the Lord work, either in outward miracle or inward growth and acceptance, but maybe I shouldn't be so eager to "see a miracle" just because I think it would be cool.

In that crazy way the Lord has of bringing things up all at once, the chapter that I just read in "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan also mentions miracles--how God does them to make Himself and His glory know, and how we don't recognize the ones that are all around us.

At the end of the conversation with my friend, the Holy Spirit convicted me (what I like to refer to as a "kick in the behind") that I HAVE seen miracles. I have seen the Lord take my heart, which was hard, hard, HARD, and soften it with His love and grace. When I first began this walk of faith, I was frantic to have a real relationship with Jesus. I despaired of ever reaching that place. Yet, here I am. Not a wow-everyone-look-at-that parting of the waters, but a genuine work of God nonetheless. Those miracles I do want to recognize whenever I see them.

He Can if He Wants To

Wow, this is my 100th blog post! Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read it!

I recently finished reading the book of Job. I have read it several times, and even went through Chuck Swindoll's Bible study several years ago with a group of women. The whole story of Job is disturbing. A righteous man (God said so) and God gives Satan permission to take away everything but his life. Children dead, animals dead, boils all over his body, bad friends with bad advice, and, worst of all, silence from the Lord.

Chapter 38, when God answers Job out of the whirlwind, is where it came together a little bit for me this time around. All through the tremendous trials, Job has been talking to God. He has complained with brutal honesty (Job 10:1-2):

I loathe my life;I will give free utterance to my complaint;
I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.
I will say to God, Do not condemn me;
let me know why you contend against me.

However, he never stops taking his pain and anger and hurt to God. Finally, the Lord replies to him through chapters 38-40. Rather than the apology or explanation that I kind of want to hear from God, He simply tells Job that He, the Lord, Yahweh, Creator of Heaven and Earth, is in charge and can do what He wants. I sometimes think that, if I were Job, I would STILL be upset with the Lord and still want Him to answer my questions--why did you do this to me? How is this fair? But that's not what Job does. Job's response is recorded in Job 40:3-5:

Then Job answered the LORD and said:
"Behold, I am of small account; what shall I answer you?
I lay my hand on my mouth.
I have spoken once, and I will not answer;
twice, but I will proceed no further."

Job backs down. He stops questioning. He accepts what the Lord has done without any more arguing. Hmm. Why? I think it's because Job has heard the voice of God. Directly heard the Lord speak--not through scripture, not through a pastor, not even through the whispers of the Holy Spirit, but has HEARD THE VOICE OF GOD. And that is enough.

Though I try and try to enlarge my picture of God, I still see Him too small. He made it all. Everything. As he said to Job (Job 38:4-7):

Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell me, if you have understanding.
Who determined its measurements—surely you know!
Or who stretched the line upon it?
On what were its bases sunk,
or who laid its cornerstone,
when the morning stars sang together
and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Sometimes (and please step away before the lightening strikes), I dare to think that God owes me an explanation for the hard and seemingly unfair things in my life: No marriage. No children. Bottom line: The Lord can do what He wants because He is the Creator of everything. I'm only alive because of His breath in me. I am only saved because of His tremendous grace given through Jesus. He doesn't have to explain Himself to me ever. That sounds harsh, I know. Yet Job, who suffered unfathomable grief even though righteous, became silent when confronted with the majesty and power of the Lord. How can I do less?

P.S. Even after the complaining and honestly, this is what the Lord said of Job (Job 42:7):

After the LORD had spoken these words to Job, the LORD said to Eliphaz the Temanite: "My anger burns against you and against your two friends, for you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.

It's a topic for another post, but God wants us to come to Him with even the worst of our feelings.

Safe

Yikes! It's been a little while since I posted--can you tell school just started last week? Reading in Psalm 37, these verses popped out at me: The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the LORD upholds his hand. (Psalm 37: 23-24) The word that I noticed was "headlong". All of my life I have been pretty clumsy. I have cast myself (flung might be a better word)headlong (down stairs, over curbs, into car doors)more times than I care to remember, usually in front of a crowd of people. I am quite familiar with the feeling of suddenly losing my balance and landing ungracefully on the ground.

I am comforted to know that the Lord will not allow me, in the spiritual sense, to be cast headlong--to fall suddenly and violently beyond the remedy of grace and forgiveness. God has me by the hand. I'm going to stumble, whether by my own clumsiness and sin or by someone else's, but I will never be alone, on my face, sprawled out on the ground and expected to get up without help.

Grace Like Rain

Over and over in the Bible, God uses images from the world around us. However, many of these nature, farming, and pottery images can be hard to relate to for those of us living in suburbia. Today,on my mundane trip home from cleaning the church, God used the St. Louis weather to remind me of His work in my life.

One of my favorite songs is ‪Grace Like Rain‬‏ - YouTube (well, just "Grace Like Rain" without the You Tube, but, hey, I wanted you to hear it if you didn't know it, even though I couldn't find the version I wanted). We sing this song at church, and it always encourages me. So, when I was driving home in a rainstorm this morning, I thought of this song, trying to think about what it really means.

The St. Louis area has not been as dry as many, many areas of the nation, but we have had no rain for several weeks, and blisteringly hot temperatures. When I saw the rain clouds, I was excited. When I heard the first raindrops, I was happy because we so need the water. Soon, however, I noticed that the rain was just running off the streets and not really sinking in because the ground was so dry and the rain was coming down so hard. All this water, but the ground was unable to soak it up at first because it was so hard.

Lightbulb moment! God's grace is like rain. Ephesians 1:7-8a says this:

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us. . .

Like the rain that falls from the sky, God's grace has been lavished upon us. However, there are times when my heart has been like the dry, hard ground. All I have wanted is to experience God's grace, but yet when it is poured out again and again on me, my heart has been too closed to receive it, at least at first. Eventually the water soaks in to bring life to the plants and trees. Eventually God's grace penetrates the dryness of my heart.

Sometimes I just have to wait patiently for the Lord's love and grace to soften my heart. Sometimes I have to pray and go to God's Word and obey what it says to keep my heart soft and ready for the rain of His grace.

I'm thankful to the Lord for reminding me that He still speaks through nature and everyday experiences like rain showers.

Foundations

I have been mulling over this idea for about two weeks and just now made myself sit down to blog (why be hasty?). I was priveleged to sit in on one session of Beth Moore's revised "Breaking Free" study at The Urban Refuge two Sundays ago while in Minneapolis visiting friends. Two of the Bible verses that she shared really made me think. They were from Judges 6, which begins the story of Gideon. The Midianites are oppressing Israel, and the Lord has called Gideon to defend his people. Gideon receives this call while hiding in a winepress beating out wheat. Gideon's family were Baal worshipers. After Gideon receives his call and accepts it (well, sort of), the Lord gives Gideon these instructions (Judges 6:25-26):

That night the LORD said to him, "Take your father’s bull, and the second bull seven years old, and pull down the altar of Baal that your father has, and cut down the Asherah that is beside it and build an altar to the LORD your God on the top of the stronghold here, with stones laid in due order..."

The word that sparked my wonderings was the word "stronghold". The word simply means a refuge or a place of security and survival. The Lord often describes Himself as our stronghold (Psalm 9:9, Psalm 18:2, and Psalm 27:1). However, the word can also be used negatively to refer to something that we use as a refuge instead of God--drugs, alcohol, TV, friends, anything. In the context of the "Breaking Free" study, strongholds are usually a bad thing.

One attribute of God that I love and am grateful for is how He can redeem our sin. He directs Gideon to tear down the stronghold of idol worship in his family and then commands him to build an altar to the Lord on top of the very place where such grievous sin occurred. Possibly Gideon used the very wood of the Asherah pole to burn the sacrifice. Similarly, in Beth Moore's life, the stronghold of abuse/sin that was so harmful to her is now the very same platform from which she shares the amazing work of God in her life. On top of idolatry, God built an altar for His glory.

I think the Lord wants to do the same thing in my life and in the lives of all believers. Where we have built altars to self or pride or money or fear or ___________, He wants to demolish the sin and right on top of that shame and ugliness, display His beauty. Wow.

The Flip Side

Today my morning was marked by a painful revelation. I've been using the Sarah Young's "Jesus Calling" devotional as part of my time with the Lord. This morning she was talking about how it's the Holy Spirit's job to convict and reveal sin, not ours. A verse she used in support of this was Romans 8:1: There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

I have stood on that verse many times when I have felt condemned--after I have sinned, after I have said something stupid, after I have messed up AGAIN. Never have I applied it to my attitude toward someone else. Yes, there is no condemnation for me, but there is also no condemnation for any other believer. Sometimes I want to condemn the action of another Christian, especially if I disagree with it, or, more honestly, especially if it hurt me. Romans 8:1 does not give me that option. My brothers and sisters in Christ, just as I am, are free and clear from ALL condemnation.