Stuck

More than three months have passed since I last composed a blog post. Somewhere in those three months I found myself stuck. I've been in Ohio for 16 months now and, while my relationship with my GPS has been downgraded to "just friends" and I own six OSU shirts, I still don't feel at home here. Almost any mention of my friends in Missouri leads to tears.

I do have a new job this school year, and while I like it and my team and co-workers are great, it's full of new--new curriculum, new grade level, new acronyms (IPDPY, SLO's, OTES. . . ), new program, new schedule. Every time I think that I'm in a groove, I get a new email about something else that needs to be done, preferably yesterday.

Most significant for me is that I feel far from God and disconnected from Him. I know that we all have desert periods in our relationship with the Lord. I realize that feelings are not the basis for my faith. I am aware of many of the prescriptions:  Keep up the disciplines of the faith. Focus my attention outwardly. Ask God to reveal the problem and/or solution. Check, check, check (well, maybe not the second one so much. . . ).

I consciously did not change the name of this blog after I got married, knowing that, as long as I am alive, the waiting won't end. All that I know to do right now is to keep seeking the Lord as best I can and wait for Him to soften my heart and help me to see what He is doing. I am thankful for music, as it's one way my heart is touched in this empty place. Today I listened to a song that I remembered from the Faithwalkers conferences that I have attended many times in the past, and it reminded me that, not matter where I am, God's love remains: Your Love Remains

Your Love Remains*:

When I don’t feel it
When I don’t give it
When I don’t want it
Your love remains
When I don’t see it
When I am sinful
When I am winning
Your love remains
When I am waking
When I am working
When I am resting
Your love remains
When I am doubting
When I am fighting
As I do worry
Your love remains
When I am tired
When I am broken
When I’m resistant
Your love remains
When I am lonely
When I’m surrounded
When I’m uncertain
Your love remains
When I am tempted
When I am mourning
When I am waiting
Your love remains
When I am restless
When I’m indifferent
When I’m unfocused
Your love remains
When You renewed me
When You restored me
When You redeem me
Your love remains
When You come claim me
When this life is over
In Your arms forever
I will remain

My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all[; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. (John 10:29)

To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen."(Jude 1:24-25)

*Your Love Remains words and music by Steele Croswhite  2009 Dusty 3 Music ASCAP CCLI