A Wedding Story

As most of you know, I got married (!) in July of 2014! Thanks for all the support and love! The following was printed on the back of the ceremony program, and I wanted to share it with you:

Thank you for being a part of our wedding day! As most of you know, I have waited a very long time for this day. My tale of waiting is not a story about waiting well and then being rewarded. Instead, it’s a story about wading through the waiting, wailing to God about the waiting, and then, for no reason that I can discern, receiving the gift for which I’d been waiting so long.

I’ve heard the other stories, the ones about how someone finally “gave it up” and then got what they wanted. Or the stories about how they found it when they weren’t really looking. Or about how people finally learned whatever lesson the Lord was trying to teach them and then received the goody. 

My story is a bit messier than those. Over the past 20 years, I’ve struggled with singleness and grappled with God about it. I have cried many tears, prayed many prayers, and searched long and hard for the secret key that would unlock the blessing. I attempted to give up wanting to be married, but I never truly lost the desire. I tried not looking for a husband and then tried being on three different online dating sites simultaneously. I have learned a lot of lessons over these years. I know that my worth is not measured by my marital status, that singleness is better than a lonely marriage, and that God really and truly is enough. Yet, I still wanted to be married, but I still wasn’t.

I kept dating and searching and praying, but in my heart of hearts, I felt I was never going to meet the right person for me. Then, suddenly, my friends Jack and Joan contacted me to see if I would be interested in corresponding with a friend of theirs. . . and here we are.

Much prayer has gone into this marriage. Both Paul and I believe that God is in charge of our lives, not us. When I was first praying about my relationship with Paul, I suddenly realized that, in my heart of hearts, I didn’t really think God would ever send me anyone. And then I burst into tears. Sad tears because of my appalling lack of faith. Happy tears because of God’s goodness in spite of my faithlessness.

I struggle a lot with thinking that I have to do something for God to love me. Deep down I still think that I must earn His favor, even though I know that God’s love and grace is free to anyone who seeks Him and asks. I had been waiting all this time in hopes of figuring out the magical key to get God to do what I wanted, and to give me this good thing. I had been imagining that once I figured it out, then I would be deemed worthy of a husband.

Wrong. God brought me Paul, the exact right man for me, when I had no faith at all that He would (or even could) do this good thing. Knowing my doubt and skepticism, the Lord still blessed me and gave me what I needed and what I wanted at just the right time.

Some of you (and me, too) thought this day would never come. Yet here we are. Not because I’m great, or Paul’s great (though I think he is), but because God is great, and He gives good gifts to His children, in His good time. Even when we don’t deserve them. I am thankful!