Another Glimpse

Maybe, just maybe, I am starting to see some of what the Lord is wanting to show me through this time of silence. Psalm 138:8:

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.
Do not forsake the work of your hands.

The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me regardless of whether I feel Him doing it. He will fulfill His purpose regardless of whether I perceive it. He will fulfill His purpose whether I agree with it. God is God completely and totally apart from my feelings about Him.

I think this is another piece of what faith is. I've heard for years and years how we aren't to be guided by feelings, and I never thought that I was, but these last months have shown me that I rely on my perceptions more than I rely on the simple truth of Who God is. He is working whether I realize it, recognize it, or resonate with it. If I never personally hear God's voice again, it does not mean that He has stopped speaking, or even that He has stopped His work in my life.

We are such fallible creatures, so slow to learn. I am thankful for God's patience with me on this journey.

ANYTHING

My God can do anything. ANYTHING. Somehow I forget this truth, or minimize this reality, or ignore this fact. Today 1 Kings 17 was relating the story of Elijah and the widow's son. Elijah was staying with a poor widow, and her son dies. She comes to Elijah, and Elijah prays (1 Kings 17: 21-22):

Then he stretched himself upon the child three times and cried to the LORD, "O LORD my God, let this child’s life come into him again." And the LORD listened to the voice of Elijah. And the life of the child came into him again, and he revived.

Dead. The boy was stone-cold dead. In our regular life, physical death is final. No more help, no more heroics, no more hope. Yet God, Creator of all, breathed life back into a corpse. Think of Sarah. In her nineties. Menopause has come and gone. No more possibility of babies. No hope. Yet God, Author of life, knit Isaac together in her womb. Jesus Himself, three days in the tomb, His broken body seen by all. No hope. Yet God, Defeater of death, raises His son.

I still feel very distant from the Lord. Some days I feel hopeless because I don't know how to bridge the distance on my own. I am trying to have faith that God may yet, in His time, open my deaf ears, soften my hard heart, and revive my flickering hope.

Excited to Share?

Reading in Acts today, the account of Cornelius, the Gentile who prays, gives, and seeks God. The Lord sends an angel to him to tell him to go and get Peter to explain the gospel to him. In Acts 10:24, it says:

. . . Cornelius was expecting them [Peter & friends] and had called together his relatives and close friends.

Cornelius had invited everyone that was important to him to come and hear from the apostle Peter. Do I get that excited about hearing from men of God? Would I invite all of my close friends and relatives if a Godly pastor were speaking at my church (which would mean every Sunday. . . hmmm)? Am I that enthusiastic to hear the truth and to share it?

Wanna come to church with me on Sunday?

Believe

Like a broken record, let me say again that I am still here, still persevering, still feeling disconnected from the Lord.

Today I was reading in John about Doubting Thomas, who doesn't believe the other disciples when they tell him that Jesus is alive. He declares that he won't believe until he sees Jesus for himself and touches the wounds in his hands and sides. Jesus does appear to Thomas, and this is what He says (John 20:27):

Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe."

I think this is my challenge right now, as well, to not disbelieve, but believe. What do I need to believe? That God is still there, even if I can't sense it. That He is working when I can't see it. That He is in control and knows exactly what is happening in my life and is using it for good. That He is good. That He loves me. That He hasn't abandoned me. That I will hear His voice again.

Seems like a lot for a Monday morning. . .Pray for me?