You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.
Am I trying to use the Bible as the "supernatural key" to the Lord (as I also read in 1 Samuel 4 a similar situation where the Israelites try to use the Ark of the Covenant as a magical battle charm) instead of simply "coming to Jesus"? And just what does it look like to come to Jesus? I did spend some time praying, and I'm still not sure what the Lord is doing with me right now, or what I need to be doing or not doing. . . All I can do is to keep reading, praying and seeking.
One of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes is from The Screwtape Letters. The book is written from the point of view of a demon trying to mentor another demon as they try to discourage a Christian:
Sooner or later He [God] withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature [us] to stand up on its own legs--to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. . . . He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. . . . Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys. (p. 39, Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis)