Whispers and Workings

Some seasons, all you can do is go through the motions. During this last dry spell, that's been my drill. Read my Bible because that's what I do while I eat breakfast. Pray because that's what I do after breakfast. Ask God to move. Do my day. Some days, like pretty much every one while I was in Scotland, the Bible-reading gets skipped a lot and the "serious" (as in, focused with my journal) praying gets all but abandoned. I know that my works avail me nothing, because I am saved by grace and grace alone (Ephesians 2:8-9). Yet I also know that I want to do what I know to do to position myself to hear God the best that I can. I've also learned, though, that God does what He wants in the time He chooses.

 As I have been waiting to hear from Him, I have also been diligently picking a verse to pretend to memorize for Beth Moore's 2013 memory verse challenge. The verses are chosen on the first and fifteenth of the month. When I went to the Living Proof Ministries Blog on July 16 (oops), I read the whole entry, which I don't always do. Here is part of what Beth posted that day (for the full entry, go here):

You may feel powerless right now, Sister, but, if you are in Christ, make no mistake: you are not. Get some backbone back in your prayer life if your spiritual spine has deteriorated. With reverence for His holiness and with the boldness He said we could bring to the Throne of Grace, read to God from His Word where He promised His people victory as they looked to Him alone…
…and where He promised to clothe us in power
…and where He said He’d make Himself conspicuous through our spiritual gifts and through supernatural works in His Name.
If you don’t know where those places are, go hunt them down. (But you could start in Romans 8, Luke 24, Acts 1, Acts 2, 1 Corinthians 12 and Hebrews 4.)
Tell Him you’re going to ask for it and ask for it and ask for it in His great Name and for His glory until He gives it to you and frees you from whatever this present powerlessness is. And then DO IT. Ask and ask and ask and tell Him you will do whatever it takes to cooperate and mean it! Throw your hands out to receive. And, then, when He gives it – and He will – don’t take credit for it. Appreciate it. Thank Him and thank Him for it. Know that it’s grace. Use it audaciously to bring Him attention.

Sister, you cannot fulfill your foreordained purpose without power. Go back after it but, whatever you do, don’t try to get it without Jesus coming with it. Power for power’s sake will blow you up. God-given unction isn’t meant to just come and go with periodic personal revival. We were meant to live powerful lives. Let’s get to them. If you’ve got an area of carnality that is quenching it, I promise you it’s not worth it. Believe me, I’ve been there. Repent, turn from it and get on with it. You’ve got a calling. And it takes divine power. (Beth Moore, LPM blog entry, July 15, 2013)

I actually didn't read it all that carefully then, but did print it out and put it out by my journal. Several days later, I sat down, read it, got out my Bible and read through those passages. I started to hear the whisper of the Holy Spirit revealing some things that called for repentance.

A day later, I suddenly become motivated in my church search. Planning to go to three churches over the weekend, I thought about going to one church on Saturday night but, oops, they were starting a series on marriage. Nix that. Picked a totally different one. Went. Heard a message about a passage of scripture that I have heard talks on before, about Saul, specifically regarding, yes, patience. In 1 Samuel 13: 8-14, we read about how Saul was commanded to wait for Samuel, the prophet, to come and make the sacrifice to the Lord so that the army could fight (and beat) the Philistines. As soon as Saul starts the sacrifice, Samuel shows up. It seems that Samuel has forgotten, is late, or won't be coming. Saul takes matters into his own hands (knowing it's forbidden for him to make the sacrifice) and as a result, God takes away Saul's kingdom.

I've been single a long time. I know the promises of God, just as Saul knew who should make the sacrifice. I know that I need to wait for God to bring me the husband he has for me, or bring me the peace to be single. But sometimes it seems that God has forgotten, is late, or isn't coming. Sometimes I want, like Saul, to take matters into my own hands and hurry up and pursue a relationship too quickly because. . . I'm TIRED OF WAITING.  I was reminded that the consequences for impatience (though now covered by Jesus' forgiveness and redemption) can be steep.

I went to two other churches today. Each one had messages that spoke directly to me. From hearing nothing for months, I am suddenly seeing God and truth everywhere. I've had Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts sitting in my bedroom for probably two years. Saturday I picked it up and read three chapters without stopping. God again, as I cried through the pages.

Did I do something that magically made God move? Nope. Do I deserve for Him to speak to me ever? Nope. Am I encouraged and reminded that, even when we see nothing, God is working in us, "both to will and to work for his good pleasure"(Phil 2:13)? YES.

Foundations

I have been mulling over this idea for about two weeks and just now made myself sit down to blog (why be hasty?). I was priveleged to sit in on one session of Beth Moore's revised "Breaking Free" study at The Urban Refuge two Sundays ago while in Minneapolis visiting friends. Two of the Bible verses that she shared really made me think. They were from Judges 6, which begins the story of Gideon. The Midianites are oppressing Israel, and the Lord has called Gideon to defend his people. Gideon receives this call while hiding in a winepress beating out wheat. Gideon's family were Baal worshipers. After Gideon receives his call and accepts it (well, sort of), the Lord gives Gideon these instructions (Judges 6:25-26):

That night the LORD said to him, "Take your father’s bull, and the second bull seven years old, and pull down the altar of Baal that your father has, and cut down the Asherah that is beside it and build an altar to the LORD your God on the top of the stronghold here, with stones laid in due order..."

The word that sparked my wonderings was the word "stronghold". The word simply means a refuge or a place of security and survival. The Lord often describes Himself as our stronghold (Psalm 9:9, Psalm 18:2, and Psalm 27:1). However, the word can also be used negatively to refer to something that we use as a refuge instead of God--drugs, alcohol, TV, friends, anything. In the context of the "Breaking Free" study, strongholds are usually a bad thing.

One attribute of God that I love and am grateful for is how He can redeem our sin. He directs Gideon to tear down the stronghold of idol worship in his family and then commands him to build an altar to the Lord on top of the very place where such grievous sin occurred. Possibly Gideon used the very wood of the Asherah pole to burn the sacrifice. Similarly, in Beth Moore's life, the stronghold of abuse/sin that was so harmful to her is now the very same platform from which she shares the amazing work of God in her life. On top of idolatry, God built an altar for His glory.

I think the Lord wants to do the same thing in my life and in the lives of all believers. Where we have built altars to self or pride or money or fear or ___________, He wants to demolish the sin and right on top of that shame and ugliness, display His beauty. Wow.

Look Up

Once again, a concept that I have heard roughly four gazillion times in my Christian walk suddenly becomes clear. This summer I'm doing Beth Moore's "Steppin' Up" study. On week two, day two (and don't panic if you're in the same study--I'm working ahead because I have vacation coming soon), we are looking at Psalm 123:

To you I lift up my eyes,
O you who are enthroned in the heavens!
Behold, as the eyes of servants
look to the hand of their master,
as the eyes of a maidservant
to the hand of her mistress,
so our eyes look to the LORD our God,
till he has mercy upon us.

Have mercy upon us, O LORD, have mercy upon us,
for we have had more than enough of contempt.
Our soul has had more than enough
of the scorn of those who are at ease,
of the contempt of the proud.

The very first verse of the psalm talks about lifting our eyes to the Lord. I've heard that so many times: "Keep your eyes on Jesus." "Look at God, not your circumstances." "Where is your focus?" Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I got it. Apparently I didn't.

Beth takes us to Acts 3, the account about the lame beggar (who was healed) that I blogged about a few weeks ago (gotta love God's continuity). The beggar is just hanging out at the gate when Peter and John show up. Acts 3:3 finds Peter telling the beggar to "Look at us", and then in verse five it says that the man "fixed his attention on them. . . ". Here is how Beth described what happened (p. 43 of the "Steppin' Up" study):

"Therefore, he looked, which caused him to more effectively listen, which in turn altered his feelings, manifesting in a change in his expectation. Needless to say, the beggar got far more than he expected, but until he 'Gave them his attention' he had no real expectation of anything out of the ordinary."

She also puts in a little diagram that looks (somewhat) like this:

Where I look----> What I hear ----> What I feel ----> What I expect

Using the diagram sparked my "aha" moment. I put in a circumstance from my own life, online dating (yes, the idea makes me want to run screaming most days, too. Trust me, the reality is sometimes even worse than you imagine.). The gist of the diagram: If I focus on online dating, what I hear is "This isn't working. No one is interested. You're too. . . (old, short, whatever)." What I feel is frustrated, rejected, and discouraged; and what I expect is nothing. However, if I go back and put the Lord in the first slot, well, it all looks SO much better: If I look to God, then what I hear is "I'm here, I'm in control, you belong to me, and I will take care of you." What I feel is secure, safe, and encouraged; and what I expect is that God will do the very best thing for me.

Once again, "Duh!!!!!"

As I was thinking about this further, I tried thinking through other circumstances. No matter what it was, if I take the problem/worry/concern out from in front of my eyes and put the Lord there instead, it helps me to stand in truth, to feel encouraged and hopeful, and to believe that the Lord will work it all for His good. Glad to know that, on the four gazillion and first hearing, I finally get it.

Logically Speaking

For months now I have felt distant from the Lord. Today, finally, I feel like the Lord and I were connecting again. How did this happen? Wonderful worship music? In-depth study of scripture? Hours of prayer? No, actually, through a very simple and logical question.

I am in the middle of doing Beth Moore's "Believing God" Bible study about faith--ironic, yes, in light of feeling very lacking in faith lately. Today's simple exercise was to answer (in a pros/cons sort of way) the questions: "What are you risking if you decide to surrender to a life of believing God?" and "What are you risking if you don't?". Okay, no biggie, I made my list:

What do I risk by having faith? Disappointment and pain
What do I risk by NOT having faith: Disappointment and pain plus missing God's power, plus lessening my intimacy with God, plus losing the chance to be a part of partnering with God. . .

DUH!!!!!!! The biggest "aha" for me was that the two bad things that I fear, disappointment and pain, are the SAME for both questions. I risk the exact same things by believing God as by not, but by believing I have the potential to gain so much more. . .

I am also smiling at the oddity that such a simple and logical question was the vehicle of God's voice. That the Lord speak in this way shows me how well He knows me. I came to Him initially by the logic of the question "Who do you say that I am? Liar, lunatic, or Lord?" from C.S. Lewis--that, logically, I could not believe in Jesus as just a "good person", but had to choose to either think He was lying, or crazy, or really was Who He claimed to be. Once again, I am pushed to the next step of faith by the rational idea that having faith risks no more pain than not, but has the potential for so much blessing.

Finally, I almost lost the point by starting down my own personal "circle of doubt", which always begins with "But what if I don't have enough ___________,(faith in this case)?". And, from verses I have heard/read/seen one hundred thousand times but apparently never really apprehended (Matthew 17:20):

He said to them, . . . For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."

Those Sunday School and Vacation Bible School veterans among us know that the mustard seed is very, very small, and yet grows a very big plant. But somehow I have never applied that personally and realized that I just need to believe the teeny tiny bit that I can and it will be enough.

Is there anything better than hearing the voice of God?