Sticking it Out

Okay, here it is: I am still reading in the Bible everyday. In the Old Testament I'm in the chapters in Joshua where the land is divided. Not a lot of practical application (that I can see). Also reading in the Psalms and the book of Luke. Surely I should be able to come up with something pertinent from them? Nope.

This moment is when it is tempting both to stop reading or to make something up that sounds really spiritual to convince myself that I am hearing from God. The truth is that there are many days when I spend time with the Lord and I don't have any giant revelation. I read even about the life of Jesus and just say, "Yes, yes, I remember this, I agree with this, but. . . ".

Today I prayed and asked the Lord to show me if there is anything that I am doing that is blocking me from hearing Him, and I am trusting that He will show me if there is. There may be some specific sin (there's always something)of which I need to repent. However, there may not be. It may be that this is a time that I need to walk in faith and stick with the discipline of a daily quiet time, trusting that the Lord will show up again. My closeness and worth to God are not measured in how much I "feel" Him or what insight I receive each day. Because of the cross, I am God's child as much on the days that I have goosebumps from feeling His presence as on the days when I can't focus to pray for more than ten seconds without thinking about what I need to do that day. I'm so thankful that my security is in HIM and His truth, not in my feelings or understanding.

Keep Going!

I'm now reading in the book of Mark. I've also been reading in Luke, and, by golly, many of the stories are almost exactly the same! The juxtaposition of the books is re-emphasizing to me how important it is to keep reading through the Bible, over and over and over. Just in the past several months, after reading through the scriptures several times over several years, there are stories and ideas and principles that are finally coming together for me. It could just be that I am a really slow study, but the repetition has helped me make connections and understand more of what God is communicating to us through His Word.

Today I read Jesus' words in Mark 4:25:

For to the one who has, more will be given, and from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.

These words have bothered me for years. So, I have just read them, tried to search whatever helps I had in the particular Bible for that year, and then moved on. Yet, it would nag at me. The words seemed mean--for Jesus to take away things from us? Today I read the notes in my ESV Study Bible (and had just read this same passage in Luke last weekend), and, at last, I'm getting a glimmering of understanding. The idea seems to be that, when we accept God and His wisdom and ways, He will continue to lead us to more and more understanding. If we reject Him and rely solely on our own understanding, we will understand less and less. Aha!!

Now, this revelation is probably not even on my top ten list of light-bulb moments in scripture. But it reminded me that part of the key to growing in understanding is simply to keep reading, over and over again, and to keep seeking as I read, and that, when the time is right and my heart is ready and my eyes are opened, God will help me to understand. I don't like things I don't understand, so it's hard for me to keep going when the words don't make sense. However, I'm seeing, every so often, the payoff for doing that--of living in the cognitive dissonance and trusting that God will reveal truth in His time.